IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit
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Few individuals claim that setting retirement
age
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 for everyone is not worth appreciating act , despite their professions . some thought that specific employees deserve to retire and receive a pension at an early
age
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. In my perspective, I do believe that
people
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 in some professions should terminate their jobs before
time
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 and there are ample
people
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 for whom
this
Linking Words
 approach should be beneficial which would be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. Probably, the main sector of the working world who should get a pension and premature retirement would be defence service
people
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such
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 as army soldiers, policemen, border security forces. After reaching a certain
age
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, their health and body do not have enough potential and energy to fight and live in extreme conditions as a comparison to the young
people
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 .
This
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 will be a win and win situation for both individuals and the country safe.
For instance
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, on the battlefield, a soldier of
age
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 thirty have higher chances to attack and kill enemies as compared to the older one.
In addition
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 , labour workers working in constructing buildings and heavy loading
work
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 deserve to cease their
work
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 at a specific
age
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 as their health may not allow them to
work
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 efficiently.
This
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 approach can prove to be very beneficial for soldiers as they would get enough
time
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 after their long
time
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 service to spend with families and cherish little family moments. To illustrate, an army officer who gives twenty years of
this
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life
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 to serve the nation ultimately missed out on every little
occasion
Add a hyphen
occasion-however
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however
Linking Words
 with
this
Linking Words
 approach , they can
also
Linking Words
 enjoy family
life
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.
Moreover
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 , an individual facing major health issues should get
time
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 to afford the treatment and money they got .
This
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 is mainly applicable for fourth-class workers as they
work
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 till the late years of their
life
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 for a living. In conclusion, I firmly believe that in specific careers preliminary retirement holds more benefits to individuals as it gives them
time
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 to enjoy their personal
life
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 and
also
Linking Words
 for the country as
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
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 of the nation would
in
Add a missing verb
be in
show examples
 stronger hands.
Submitted by Manvir kaur bhatti on

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