Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Together with the computerization of our society, there is a rising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public awareness about kids, who spend too much time in front of the personal computer or playing video
games
Use synonyms
. What is best for children to devote their free time to outdoor activities and conventional
games
Use synonyms
or to be at home and entertain themselves with the computer? Some types of PC
games
Use synonyms
can be very intelligent and may contain huge educational potential. They can encourage youngsters to develop researching skills and inspire them to learn new things.
However
Linking Words
, a significant amount of video
games
Use synonyms
is dumb-type, which develops nothing but button-pushing skill. Unfortunately, these
games
Use synonyms
are usually highly addictive.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can cause a lack of physical activity and even serious mental diseases. Outdoor
games
Use synonyms
are often more beneficial for kids’ health. They not only train them in terms of agility and endurance but teach children to socialise and make friends.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they make them stronger because of fresh air, physical activity and exposure to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sunlight.
Therefore
Linking Words
, being on the street
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
always safe. An unattended child can receive trauma or become a subject of crime. I was not a very outgoing and physically active kid and preferred to rather read than play with others. Getting a computer brought more diversity for my leisure and study. It helped me to experience new emotions, learn new things, study English and meet interesting people online. My aptitude in Information technologies has helped me to get a good job and
then
Linking Words
grow up in my job.
Therefore
Linking Words
I think parents should look at their child’s personality in order to decide what is more appropriate. Finding a balance between electronic entertainment and outdoor
games
Use synonyms
depends on parents’ ability to identify what best benefits their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
Submitted by m.azan222 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: