IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is feasible that ex-prisoners can become normal and lead
productive
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a productive
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life
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lives
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. A chunk of
individual
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individuals
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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point that, in order to discourage
juvenile
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juveniles
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 from act crimes, they are the best people to give advice on prohibiting the lure of committing crimes whilst others are
skeptical
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sceptical
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 about it. I,
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however
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,however
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 believe that there are better alternatives to warn teenagers about the drawbacks of executing
crime
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the crime
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.
To begin
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 with,
to encourage
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encouraging
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 youth to live a life of
good
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a good
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 citizen is
hard
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a hard
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 task. As
,
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apply
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 they have no control over their emotions, they are more prone to temptations which makes them vulnerable. One option would be for
police
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a police
the police
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officer
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officers
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 to visit
school
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schools
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 and talk to young children.
For instance
Linking Words
,
police
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a police
the police
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officer
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officers
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 can share stories of offenders when did in jail as they had broken the law.
Moreover
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, it is evident that some criminals commit
crime
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crimes
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 after their release from Jail so it is hard to say they have reformed, or they are merely appearing as novel individuals.
On the other hand
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, it is true that ex-offenders can’t tell
teenager
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teenagers
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 how they involve in crime and the dangers of
criminal
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a criminal
the criminal
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 lifestyle. As result, children will be discouraged to perform any
offense
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offence
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 and there are chances of them becoming
a
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apply
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lawful
citizen
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citizens
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 in the future.
Moreover
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,
Teenager
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Teenagers
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 at
this
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 age
are
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is
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 highly
sensible
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sensitive
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.
Hence
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,
this
Linking Words
 will affect them deeply which helps them to lead a positive life.
To
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In
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 conclusion, I do support the view that individuals who have turned their lives after serving prison
sentence
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sentences
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 could help children stay away from committing crimes but I believe that the idea of using authority to deter school youth is more appropriate.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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