IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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 suggest that giving every jobless person a smartphone and making sure they have
access
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 to the
Internet
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 is the best
way
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 of utilizing public
money
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, hoping to reduce the
unemployment
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issue
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. In my opinion, giving jobless
people
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 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
access
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 to The
Internet
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 isn’t the proper
way
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 to tackle the problem of
unemployment
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. Given that the unemployed receive smartphones and
access
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 to the
Internet
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, the
issue
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 of
unemployment
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 still remains. Handing phones and
internet
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access
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 to the jobless isn't going to encourage
people
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 to find
jobs
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. What the government should consider doing is creating new
jobs
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 or open campaigns which teach jobless
people
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 new skills they haven’t acquired yet.
For example
Linking Words
, the Thai government started a campaign in which successful marketing companies come and teach the unemployed salesmanship skills for free. The campaign inspired many jobless
people
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 to start their own
business
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businesses
show examples
.
In addition
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, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
money
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 to distribute phone and
internet
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access
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 is just wasting public
money
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 for free. As I have mentioned in the paragraph above, resolving the
issue
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 of joblessness with phones and
internet
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access
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 isn’t a
way
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 to advocate
people
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 to look for
jobs
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. If the government wants to put in use the public
money
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 for the development of the country, I suggest using it to improve other aspects of society
such
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 as infrastructure, public health, and education. By improving
such
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 aspects of the country, it can indirectly alleviate the
issue
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 of
unemployment
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.
Although
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 the result might not be seen suddenly it will surely be mitigated as time passes by. To conclude, the best
way
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 to handle the problem of
unemployment
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 is to create new
jobs
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 or construct campaigns
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 persuade
people
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 to find
jobs
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, enhancing other components in society can be more efficient than just handing out jobless
people
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 smartphones and
access
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 to the
internet
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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