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Band 5.5

Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #person #phone #access #internet #money #unemployment
Some
people
 suggest that giving every jobless person a smartphone and making sure they have
access
 to the
Internet
 is the best
way
 of utilizing public
money
, hoping to reduce the
unemployment
issue
. In my opinion, giving jobless
people
 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
access
 to The
Internet
 isn’t the proper
way
 to tackle the problem of
unemployment
. Given that the unemployed receive smartphones and
access
 to the
Internet
, the
issue
 of
unemployment
 still remains. Handing phones and
internet
access
 to the jobless isn't going to encourage
people
 to find
jobs
. What the government should consider doing is creating new
jobs
 or open campaigns which teach jobless
people
 new skills they haven’t acquired yet.
For example
, the Thai government started a campaign in which successful marketing companies come and teach the unemployed salesmanship skills for free. The campaign inspired many jobless
people
 to start their own
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
.
In addition
, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
money
 to distribute phone and
internet
access
 is just wasting public
money
 for free. As I have mentioned in the paragraph above, resolving the
issue
 of joblessness with phones and
internet
access
 isn’t a
way
 to advocate
people
 to look for
jobs
. If the government wants to put in use the public
money
 for the development of the country, I suggest using it to improve other aspects of society
such
 as infrastructure, public health, and education. By improving
such
 aspects of the country, it can indirectly alleviate the
issue
 of
unemployment
.
Although
 the result might not be seen suddenly it will surely be mitigated as time passes by. To conclude, the best
way
 to handle the problem of
unemployment
 is to create new
jobs
 or construct campaigns
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 persuade
people
 to find
jobs
.
Moreover
, enhancing other components in society can be more efficient than just handing out jobless
people
 smartphones and
access
 to the
internet
.
Submitted by chompunoot.raj on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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