In today’s world of advanced science and technology, many still greatly value artists such as musicians, painters and writers.What can the arts tell us about life that science cannot?

There has been a significant divergence of opinion revolving around whether affluent
people
or
society
contributors like scientists and teachers represent success. From my point of view,
people
who play a pivotal role in
society
are recognised as successful.
First
and foremost, in terms of affluent
people
,
people
refer to those with monetary power that
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
them to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life to the fullest. To be specific, these
people
have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
to make choices where money is a deciding factor.
For instance
, they could opt for whatever means of transportation when travelling, their children have more choices regarding educational institutions.
Moreover
,
people
in high
society
are less likely to be affected by the economic crisis. Due to the fact that they have financial security, which supports them to overcome
hash
Add an article
the hash
show examples
condition, wealthy
people
become richer and more successful
as a result
.
However
, social contributors are
also
deemed as charismatic figures.
Although
they are not the wealthiest
people
, they have
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
public influence on others. It can be exemplified by the fact that scientists and teachers are prestigious occupations in many countries. It is apparent that they have acquired a reputation in their field of interest and contribute knowledge to social development. To specify, scientists dedicate their time and effort
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the laboratory and come up with solutions for various problems, thereby assisting
people
’s lives. Teachers have a direct impact on students’ mindset,
as a result
, they receive
respectation
Correct your spelling
expectation
and recognition from
society
as well. To sum up,
although
people
who earn a decent amount of money are those who succeed in finance, I strongly believe that social contributors deserve to be coined as successful because they offer a powerful impact on other
people
.
Submitted by thanh.jenny on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: