IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#century #advances #people #workplace #today’s #technology #process #rate #unemployment
For two centuries technological progress has developed rapidly. And some
people
 believe that advancement has affected
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worklessness negatively. I absolutely agree with that statement, because machines are more productive and they have immunity to Hazards.
This
 essay discusses both reasons and makes several examples for them. It is no doubt, robots do their work more accurate and faster than human workers.
As a result
, companies owners prefer automated production lines for their quality and speed.
Moreover
, statistics
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 us that
people
 make a lot of mistakes that can affect on product bad. So, bosses do not want to waste their profit out of defective goods.
For example
, most huge companies
such
 as Toyota and Ford have the best quality of cars. That
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
people
 are not involved in
building
Add an article
the building
show examples
 process. The
next
 reason why
people
 are not the best solution for various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workplaces is immunity to
dangerous
Add an article
a dangerous
show examples
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
.
In other words
, robots can work in places where
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 cannot.
Furthermore
, human health is very vulnerable and any worker can get injured
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any time, while machines require only timely maintenance.
In addition
, medical bills and insurance are not attractive things for firms’ welfare.
For instance
, some heavy industries use special chemicals in their factories. In that case, only robots can stand in those places normally. In conclusion, I think technological advances are responsible for unemployment in some spheres. Mainly, any mechanism does human work better and faster. What is more, machinery can be active in any environment.
Submitted by thisface on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: