IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

2. Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#discipline #schools #people #responsibility #teachers #role #parents
Respect is one of the critical rising
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
 in
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 schools.The majority believe that
children
 should be groomed and disciplined at home by their guardians whereas some believe
teachers
 should take that
responsibility
 of disciplining
children
.ln
this
 essay l will discuss both sides and give my opinion.
Firstly
,
children
 are
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
responsibility
 of their
parents
 , they spend almost all their lives with
parents
 and l think it is clear that
parents
 should take the
responsibility
 of grooming civilised and respectful future citizens.
For instance
,
parents
srarts
Correct your spelling
starts
 reprimanding their
children
 from a very young age
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 it is easier for
children
 to listen to them.
Parents
spanks
Change the verb form
spank
show examples
 their
children
 not becoz they hate them but just to teach them that whatever they will be doing is wrong.
Secondly
,
Teachers
 has their own part of grooming
children
 at school , which is teaching them how to read and write,
i
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 addition,
teachers
 are there to elevate
children
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
, teach them to work with others .
For example
, a teacher gives kids group work , in order for them to develop team spirit,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 a teacher will teach
children
 difficult work so that they learn to solve solutions they'll face in future life. To sum up, both
teachers
 and
parents
 have a portion of their
responsibility
 towards the growth of these youngsters, wherefore working together will
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 great and strong future leaders.
Submitted by Kally199226 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: