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Writing Samples
Band 4

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

#people #hobby #trend
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Shopping has always been
important
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an important
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 activity for a household. In medieval times, shopping used to be on
barter
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the barter
a barter
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 system. Due to
advancement
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advancements
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 in modern society, shopping has been done in exchange
of
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for
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 money. Since many
people
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 have increased their wealth,
this
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 precious
acitivty
Correct your spelling
activity
 has become a sort of hobby for a very small portion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
This
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 trend has impacted our mother nature negatively, which I shall be discussing
further
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 in
this
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 essay.
First
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 of all,
attitude
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the attitude
an attitude
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 of
current
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the current
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 generation has changed from living
simple
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a simple
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 life to show off unnecessary.
This
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 can be well observed from our previous generation, which considered shopping only as a necessary activity. Only those things were purchased, which were really needed. Sometimes, a child's desire to get a toy
was supersede
Change the verb form
was superseded
was superseding
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for
Change preposition
by
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purchase
Correct article usage
the purchase
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 of food material.
In addition
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 to
this
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, buying goods wisely was helpful in maintaining balance in nature.
This
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 particular exercise
also
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 kept social values in the family.
Secondly
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, purchasing excessively has brought
attention
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the attention
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of
Change preposition
to
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 social misdeed doers. They target those
people
Use synonyms
 who spend unwisely.
This
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 has resulted in
Correct article usage
an increase
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increase
Replace the word
increased
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 trend in crime.
People
Use synonyms
 have lost morale and always wanted their desire to be fulfilled.
This
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 can be well supported by the downward trend in
social
Correct article usage
the social
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 values of a family. Old
people
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 are not being cared for, children
does
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do
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 not respect their elders. Most importantly, doing
this
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 exercise unnecessarily has increased
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
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 to create more shopping malls. It is evident that we have brought
disparity
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the disparity
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 in mother nature, by cutting down
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the forest
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forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
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 in order to construct cemented structures. In my opinion, shopping as a hobby has
deterioted
Correct your spelling
deteriorated
 our social structure.
This
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 exercise should be brought back to
conventional
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the conventional
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 theme, to shop wisely.
Submitted by iamssingh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • retail therapy
  • materialism
  • disposable income
  • economic growth
  • financial instability
  • environmental impact
  • social interaction
  • community building
  • emotional satisfaction
  • advertising influence
  • shopping habits
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