some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sport stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of jop should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sport #money #jop

Entertainers are known

with

Change preposition

for

show examples

high salaries by

people

This

sector

is very

famaous

Correct your spelling

famous

in terms of high incomes. I agree

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they are paid too much

money

to perform their professions.

Firstly

, entertainment is a

sector

which meets demands related

pastime

Change preposition

to pastime

show examples

activities mostly.In that free time,

people

accept to spend a big amount of

money

to have fun.

This

aspect

lead

Change the verb form

leads

show examples

competation

Correct your spelling

competition

sector

depending on getting alliance with popular entertainers. Growing demands play an important role in high numbers which are paid to famous. Limiting and controlling the alliance

are

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show examples

impossible to check in

this

system. Rock stars, to

exemlify

Correct your spelling

exemplify

, organize a concert and earn almost annual income by a single organisation. It supplies plenty of

money

sustein

Correct your spelling

sustain

their life and career.

Secondly

,hearing big numbers of incomes never shock the

people

although

they criticize generally. Society stays

Change preposition

apply

show examples

calm to act and

this

encourages the

sector

to go on.

Although

minimal wage is dramatically low,

people

never compare incomes. So, it is

basis

Add an article

the basis

show examples

for suffering from

this

sector

. A famous star, to illustrate, earn much more

money

but

people

only debate their

perfotmance

Correct your spelling

performance

widely.Noone can hinder or complain.

Morever

Correct your spelling

Moreover

, the other occupations which deserve more

money

such

as; teacher, doctor, lawyer and designer lose their motivations and hopes. Despite good education and

experienment

Correct your spelling

experiment

experience

, they can not earn huge numbers. To consider all in a broader context, they think that famous

people

earn a lot

instead

of the

people

deserved.

As a result

entertainment

Correct article usage

the entertainment

show examples

sector

is criticized but never banned or controlled. Everyone should think

others

Change preposition

of others

show examples

who are unmotivated and needed while watching

performance

Add an article

a performance

the performance

show examples

in that

sector

Submitted by yalcin_tugce on Wed Sep 29 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sport stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of jop should be highly paid?

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries, small shops are closing. Give your reasons about this. Is it positive or negative? Give examples from your knowledge and experience.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or dis agree with this.

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

In many countries, people throw away a lot of food from restaurants and shops. Why do you think people waste food in this way? What can be done to reduce the amount of food thrown away?

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?