IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should make laws regarding nutrition and healthy lifestyle, while others think that it is a matter of personal responsibility. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #government #laws #nutrition #lifestyle #matter #responsibility
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Nutrition and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle should be a personal
responsibility
Use synonyms
 and not the
government
Use synonyms
.A few
people
Use synonyms
 believe
otherwise
Linking Words
im
Correct your spelling
I'm
 going to discuss both views and give my opinion.
Healthy
Add an article
A healthy
show examples
 lifestyle is not something
people
Use synonyms
 have to be coerced into
this
Linking Words
 should be a personal
responsibility
Use synonyms
 because
with
Add the comma(s)
,with
show examples
poor
Add an article
a poor
show examples
 healthy lifestyle,
lifestlye
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 diseases will be a part of us,wholesome living is very important to keep diseases away and maintain body fitness,robust
health
Use synonyms
 includes a balanced meal and simple yet very effective exercises, individuals are required to take care of themselves because nobody has a
responsibility
Use synonyms
 on any adults
health
Use synonyms
 and eating habits,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 outlets will continue to sell
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 day in day out but how well does one
understands
Change the verb form
understand
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 the pro and cons of
this
Linking Words
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
? again it all trickles down to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
people
Use synonyms
 who are lazy to work out and always enjoy
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 contribute to a bigger number that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 diagnosed with diseases like diabetes,obesity and hypertension among others.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 should regulate the number of
food
Use synonyms
 outlets that sell purely
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
,and encourage the population in masses to take up more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
homemade
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home made
Correct your spelling
homemade
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 balanced healthy diets.Creating
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
recreational facilities that are affordable or even free for the community whereby they have
well trained
Add a hyphen
well-trained
show examples
 coaches that are
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 to train
people
Use synonyms
 in matters of healthy living combined with body
work outs
Correct your spelling
workouts
show examples
 ,Not forgetting schools where children are taught on
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 and encouraged to have simple activities that are engageful.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 Organisations have come up with some
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 on the same at an affordable fee, institutions of learning
also
Linking Words
 have physical education
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 very helpful to the learners. In a nutshell,in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 wholesome
health
Use synonyms
 is, and should be a personal
responsibility
Use synonyms
 the citizens should stop blaming the
government
Use synonyms
 for adopting unhealthy conduct,good habits will always cultivate good morals
lets
Correct your spelling
let's
show examples
 use what we have to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
robust
health
Use synonyms
 which does not have to be expensive.
Submitted by Estherwanjohi17 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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