IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that entertainers are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree ? Which other types of job should be highly paid ?

In recent years,
We
Fix capitalization
we
show examples
 are seeing that the entertainers
are
Verb problem
earn
show examples
 earned handsome
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 as compared to other fields. I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 saying.There were
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
fileds
Correct your spelling
fields
 which
also
Linking Words
 necessary to pay equally.
Nowdays
Use the right word
Nowadays
show examples
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 actors and sports persons to whom
thier
Correct your spelling
their
industry are rewarding with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 they are getting special treatment from
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
also
Linking Words
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
get the
some
Use the right word
same
show examples
 tax evasion perks.Some
Of
Fix capitalization
of
show examples
 them are not using
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 for society but
utilised
Wrong verb form
utilise
show examples
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own lifestyles. Though
We
Fix capitalization
we
show examples
 are seeing that both of them have
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own trust and company ,who willing
work
Verb problem
to work
show examples
 for
betterment
Correct article usage
the betterment
show examples
 of needy persons.
However
Linking Words
 ,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 medical
personnel
Use synonyms
 and defence
personnel
Use synonyms
 are not
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
the one
Use the right word
those
show examples
 who
earnes
Correct your spelling
earn
 the greater
money
Use synonyms
.The
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sufficient
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 to the army
personnel
Use synonyms
 because they are the one who protects us without any hesitation and
Verb problem
are
show examples
ready to die for the nation. The lifestyle has been
leaved
Verb problem
left
show examples
 by him
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 his family is just normal
as compares
Change preposition
compared
show examples
 to other fields. Doctors should take home
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of salary
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they are the
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 who save
life
Check wording
the lives
show examples
 of human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
we
Fix capitalization
We
show examples
 have seen that doctors have served the nation during the pandemic
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
without any conditions.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
profession
Replace the word
professional
show examples
 workers
serves
Correct subject-verb agreement
serve
show examples
 the individual at any point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 time.Though they are
earing
Use the right word
earning
show examples
higher than army
personnel
Use synonyms
 but lesser than the entertainers. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, The Defence and medical sectors should get higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 so they
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 manage a lifestyle of their desire for their loved ones. Entertainers should get the
money
Use synonyms
 and fame for their own
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 should not be overpaid.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Try to show a clear view at the start and keep it clear in the whole essay.
task response
Add more strong ideas and more real examples for each part.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words to connect ideas and make the plan easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Fix basic grammar and spell some words to be more clear.
content
The writer has a real plan and talks about three jobs: entertainers, doctors, and the army.
structure
The writer makes a clear end that both sides should be seen with care.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: