IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behavior #action
Nowadays, some
people
are imitate
Change the verb form
are imitating
show examples
Add an article
the person
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 look good in lifestyle ,so they buying
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
unessential
things
 that make yourself look better. No-brainer
people
 only
care
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 sight of
other human
Change the wording
another human
other humans
show examples
. To my way of thinking, society
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 to
mindset
Add an article
the mindset
a mindset
show examples
 of
people
.
For example
, some rural
people
 came
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the city to do their careers but at
first
Add a comma
,first
show examples
 they
not
Add a missing verb
did not
show examples
 have enough money to consume something in the department store. When they look at the city citizens who have money for having dinner at the restaurant or buying a luxuries
eccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 or watching
a movies
Correct the article-noun agreement
movies
a movie
show examples
 in
theatre
Add an article
the theatre
a theatre
show examples
. They might
also
 have the idea of wanting to do some of those
things
. Only
care
 about the eyes that
people
 look at themselves whether they would see us as weird or not without them. By normally, human
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 usually
care
Change the verb form
cares
show examples
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 sight of
unknown
Add an article
an unknown
show examples
 person and
worried
Add a missing verb
is worried
show examples
 about how they will talk about themselves. Regardless of whether they have enough money to buy those unnecessary
things
 or not. That made
people
 get a debt and feeling unhappiness later. By the way, if those
people
 are our peers we could tell them to should be satisfied with what they have. Do not
care
 about the way that other
people
 look at you and not pay attention to the many words that no one knows say bad
things
 to you. The best felicitate is your mind, just smiling.
People
 who are no-brainer be anxious with the words that come out of the mouths of bad
people
 usually colourless. To summarize, we
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 nervous about that no one
knows
Add the particle
toknows
show examples
 say
anythings
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
, just be by yourself, have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
confidence
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 yourself. As the saying goes " No debt is a great fortune. "
Submitted by plsmckc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: