IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life other think that it is better to work for different organisation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #work #organisation #life
People
 are doing
work
 to complete their essential
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
such
 as shelter and
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
, food. Most
people
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to do
work
 in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 place in
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
show examples
 life
however
, individuals think that that it is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 idea to change
organisation
Correct article usage
the organisation
show examples
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both aspects and I give you my opinion in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 paragraphs. On the one hand,
people
 are
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 doing
work
 in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
organisation
 in
entire
Correct pronoun usage
their entire
show examples
 life because there are many reasons.
Firstly
, they are want to get
promotion
Add an article
a promotion
the promotion
show examples
 if they are working in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 place and
also
 they
are get
Change the verb form
are getting
show examples
 more experience from
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
organisation
.
secondly
, working in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 spot
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is good for socialism.
For instance
,
people
 are doing
work
 for a long time in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 company so all team members live as a part of family and
friendsAs
Correct your spelling
friends
friends as
 a result we can
be make
Change the verb form
make
show examples
a good relations
Correct the article-noun agreement
good relations
a good relation
show examples
 with colleagues and share feelings and thoughts.
On the other hand
,individuals think that it is
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 chance to learn something new if we have change
organisation
 due to they are following
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 routine and can
be feel
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 boredom. To illustrate,They are move to
different
Add an article
a different
the different
show examples
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 which can
be give
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 excitement and
enthuisam
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
 so that could
be give
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 great performance and would
be get
Change the verb form
be getting
show examples
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
show examples
 result. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 is that if we can change job we can start
work
 in
new
Change the article
a new
show examples
 way and it helps to eliminate all mistakes that we can do in
previous
Add an article
a previous
show examples
 company and
also
 we can show best qualities and skill for that job. In conclusion, individuals think that its best decision to choose working in
different
Add an article
the different
a different
show examples
organisation
 rather than the doing
work
 in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
organisation
.I
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that changing a company
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 way of thinking.
Submitted by sukhpreetbadohal92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • loyalty
  • familiarity
  • upward movement
  • sense of community
  • job security
  • diverse experiences
  • flexibility
  • acquisition
  • broad range
  • exposure
  • industries
  • practices
  • cultures
  • fostering
  • personal growth
  • adaptability
  • professional network
  • compelling case
What to do next:
Look at other essays: