Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Government
should be responsible to
support
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
people
as
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
contributes in many ways to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
I disagree that
government
should not provide and
support
its
people
.
To begin
with,
people
are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
who
produce
Change the verb form
produces
show examples
the most of the budget that they are using to make projects and build infrastructure that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
used.
For example
, in the
Philippines
Add a comma
,Philippines
show examples
they are supporting their
people
by making different
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
that
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
to save their income for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future use.
In addition
, workers in the Philippines are obliged to pay taxes according to their income, it is
also
mandatory for
government
employees and overseas workers
are need
Change the verb form
are needed
show examples
to pay some of the public
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
show examples
the benefits them like Pag
ibig
Correct your spelling
big
which provide and
support
for education, Philhealth which benefits them during hospitalization and purchasing medicines, another sector that can help them for loaning and retirement is the SSS. These are some of
Add an article
the department
show examples
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
show examples
that
government
provides to
support
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
people
inside and out of the country.
Furthermore
, they are
also
having retirement
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
who served the country like teachers, soldiers, doctors, police and many more as they are reached at the age of 60.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
are entitled to give them financial
support
, even they are not living anymore as long as they have their beneficiaries, help and care still be provided. Even the young workers can still add their elder member of the family to their beneficiary which covers them in all the benefits that they are paying. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
each of us should be responsible to plan our future. The
government
can
support
us by providing different facilities to help us when we are old.
However
, working and saving can be beneficial too
which ever
Correct your spelling
whichever
show examples
unforeseen event can happen we are ready and not depending only
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the administration. Better to save for the future that can guarantee us no matter what
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
.
Submitted by ding on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: