IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#governments #care #support #people #responsibility #person #retirement
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Government
 should be responsible to
support
it's
Correct your spelling
its
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people
 as
community
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the community
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 contributes in many ways to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. In my
opinion
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,opinion
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 I disagree that
government
 should not provide and
support
 its
people
.
To begin
 with,
people
 are the
one
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ones
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 who
produce
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produces
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 the most of the budget that they are using to make projects and build infrastructure that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 used.
For example
, in the
Philippines
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,Philippines
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 they are supporting their
people
 by making different
institute
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institutes
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 that
help
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helps
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 to save their income for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future use.
In addition
, workers in the Philippines are obliged to pay taxes according to their income, it is
also
 mandatory for
government
 employees and overseas workers
are need
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are needed
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 to pay some of the public
sector
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sectors
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 the benefits them like Pag
ibig
Correct your spelling
big
 which provide and
support
 for education, Philhealth which benefits them during hospitalization and purchasing medicines, another sector that can help them for loaning and retirement is the SSS. These are some of
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the department
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department
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departments
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 that
government
 provides to
support
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
people
 inside and out of the country.
Furthermore
, they are
also
 having retirement
fee
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fees
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 who served the country like teachers, soldiers, doctors, police and many more as they are reached at the age of 60.
Government
Add an article
The government
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 are entitled to give them financial
support
, even they are not living anymore as long as they have their beneficiaries, help and care still be provided. Even the young workers can still add their elder member of the family to their beneficiary which covers them in all the benefits that they are paying. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
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 each of us should be responsible to plan our future. The
government
 can
support
 us by providing different facilities to help us when we are old.
However
, working and saving can be beneficial too
which ever
Correct your spelling
whichever
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 unforeseen event can happen we are ready and not depending only
in
Change preposition
on
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 the administration. Better to save for the future that can guarantee us no matter what
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
.
Submitted by ding on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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