IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Now a days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization? Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of bring self-employed?

#people #work #company #organization #be #case
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Employment is the most necessary thing, in order to live and lead a life. In
this
 present technological In today’s ,world people are choosing to be self-employed, despite working in a company or organization. I will discuss why humanity is thinking
this
 way and some disadvantages of it. Basically, nowadays the community
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefers
show examples
 to do self-employment which they feel that might benefit them and
also
 get good fame in society. But as it’s a tough job to do
whereas
 population will be owners
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 and will not have any restrictions to implement ideas to improve the business to exemplify. If a person working in a company as an employee
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to work
according to
manage
Replace the word
management
show examples
 orders and will
also
 have a lot of pressure on them to complete work on
giving
Correct article usage
the giving
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 stage
while
 working in an organization
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
should work as a slave for that particular firm.
Moreover
, being self-employed has some good benefits
for
Change preposition
To
show examples
 some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
 public
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 it is
easy
Correct word choice
easier
show examples
 to do
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than doing in a firm but it
also
 has
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drawbacks in some situations like they need to invest
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
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 amount to establish a business.
while
 it takes to improve and earn profits for it and needs to spend more years and dedication to get through it if
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 works it
fine
Add a missing verb
is fine
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 but if not
then
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 totally a waste of their money and life too. To summarize, as I feel that being an entrepreneur is not that easy they need to struggle a lot to succeed in the community. But it's totally dependent on the public mindset
what
Change preposition
on what
show examples
 they want to choose to do
according
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.as it is tough in today's world to get a good name or fame.
Submitted by shailjameel2410 on

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task response
The essay provides a basic response to the given topic but lacks in-depth analysis and supporting details. The content needs to be more focused on addressing the specific points of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and structure. The essay lacks coherent development of ideas, and the flow of information is disrupted due to the lack of logical sequencing and linkers. More attention to the organization and connection of ideas is required.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
What to do next:
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