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Band 4.5

some people think the government should focus on improving the economy of the country. other people think the government should focus on social services such as health and education programs which statement do you agree with? explain and provide examples to support your opinion.

#people #government #focus #economy #country #services #health #education #programs #support
In a
country
 there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
different kinds of mental
people
 are available, I mean their thoughts are different in one another.
Therefore
 some are thinking that
government
 should
focus
 on improving the
economy
 and others are considering that the
government
 should
focus
 on services like health and education programs. The
government
 should
focus
 on all sectors in order to develop the
country
. if the
country
 development means both the
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 mention above must need full. even though
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that the
government
 must consider mainly economic
growth
. As I
mention
Change the form of the verb
mentioned
show examples
 in the above paragraph, if the
government
 mainly
focus
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
growth
 will take care of the rest of the
country
 problems. for ,example if the
country
 needs to make the social service activity,
first
 of ,all it needs a
welth
Correct your spelling
wealth
well
. to increase the wealth they need
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
growth
. once the
country
 is good in ,
wealth
Add an article
the wealth
show examples
 they can fulfil the
people
 fundamental needs
such
 as health , public transport education programs and other social activities. In a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
country
 there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
different kinds of
people
 in money wise . according to that there need will be changed. the poor they consider on social activity, meanwhile the richest they
focus
 on economic
growth
. In conclusion, the
people
 thoughts are indifferent but in my ,viewpoint if the
government
 considered the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
growth
Replace the word
grows
show examples
 it will lead the other sector
also
 as well as. mainly
government
 should
focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 every sector because that will be like the father of a county. to maintain all activities
country
 need money there for
economy
 must be
focus
 mainly.
Submitted by kannskan on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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