IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. What problems does this cause? What could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

#businesses #budgets #promotion #people #gravitate #products
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Large companies provide a great amount of money for their advertising campaigns;
therefore
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 people are more interested to buy their products.
This
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 essay will suggest that the biggest
problems
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 caused by
this
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 phenomenon are the monopolization of
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market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 and the increasing number of bankrupted small
businesses
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 and
then
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 argue that anti-monopolization laws and financial help from the government are the most efficient solutions. The most important
problems
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 caused by people’s attention to large
businesses
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, because of great advertisement are that these companies become monopolists in their sphere and reduction in
number
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a number
the number
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 of private
entrepreneurships
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurship
. Large
businesses
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 just do not have a competitor with the same budgets and grab more and more parts of the
market
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, providing a range of services that others cannot afford.
Furthermore
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, millions of self-employed lose their income, because less number of people wants to buy unpopular products, so small
businesses
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 are disappearing. If Domino’s pizza or McDonald’s open
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 café in
new
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a new
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 city, it automatically
increase
Change the verb form
increases
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public’s
Correct article usage
the public’s
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 interest
to
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in
show examples
 them;
therefore
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 uncompetitive restaurants will be closed in a few months or years. Possible solutions to these
problems
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 would be tough anti-monopolist reforms and subsidies or low taxes for
self-employed
Correct article usage
the self-employed
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. If
government
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the government
show examples
 controls the work of markets and make restrictions where needed,
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market
Add an article
the market
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 will not be in a hand of one company and
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 rates will be high.
Moreover
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, subsidies could be a pill to those, which do not have the same instruments for advertisement.
For example
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, in the majority of European countries taxes are paid by the income of the company, to level
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
 competition rates. To conclude, monopolization of the
market
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 and increased bankrupting rates among small
businesses
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 are the major
problems
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, but possible solutions could be to control companies and to help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
small
entrepreneurships
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurship
.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • disrupts
  • entrepreneurship
  • economic diversity
  • monopolistic
  • financial power
  • homogenization
  • awareness campaigns
  • tax incentives
  • sustainability
  • artisan
  • eco-friendly
  • dominate
  • innovation
  • stifle
  • richness
  • cultures
  • traditions
  • highlighting
  • distinguish
  • superior
What to do next:
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