IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Because many children are not able to learn foreign languages, schools should not force them to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #languages #schools #force
Most of the educational institutes these days have provided
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for the pupils to get to know different languages apart from their native
language
. To which, few people
opines
Change the verb form
opine
show examples
 that children should not be forced to learn
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
language
. I totally oppose
this
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 and would rather support the schools
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 takes
such
 initiatives. I would give my reasoning to my statement in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, learning new languages makes the children aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the presence of different cultural
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
.
Secondly
, it
also
 enables
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 build up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lingusitic
Correct your spelling
linguistic
 skills which in turn helps them to survive wherever they go.
For instance
,
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 is a
language
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is widely accepted and understood throughout the world, the only reason why
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 being made mandatory in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools.
Thirdly
,
Students
Correct your spelling
students
show examples
 who take up to learn
extra
Add an article
the extra
show examples
language
 have found to
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 competent enough as compared to their counterparts.
For example
,
survey
Add an article
a survey
show examples
 conducted on intelligence level by UCOL university found that students with
awareness
Add an article
an awareness
show examples
 of two
language
Change to a plural noun
languages
show examples
 had IQ
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 greater than their component who knew just their native
language
.
Similarly
, It
also
 helps in welcoming and getting to know about the presence of different countries and their traditional beliefs amongst the pupils. Though it should not be mandatory be schools to learn a foreign
language
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
still options should be made available.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 availability of french,
englich
Correct your spelling
English
, german or
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 to take on during summer.
Last
 but not the least, by being aware of different
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
, a person can beat the competition to survive in
this
 world.
Hence
, to conclude it can be said that sectors who
was vested
Change the verb form
has vested
show examples
 the responsibility of building up knowledge should inject the availability of different prospect for the children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can soar high in their life.
Submitted by vineethec on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: