IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community services should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #services #part #school #programmes #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
Social Service plays
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important part in the welfare of the community. Developing
this
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 at a young age is very crucial for society.
Hence
, I strongly agree that welfare service for the community should be mandatory in high school. Our Society is a mix of
different
Add an article
a different
the different
show examples
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 of people, but equal contribution is the only way to develop our neighbourhood. Non-profit organisations and
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 spend a lot
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 maintaining institutions for the elderly and orphans. The Funding aspect from the government and public is not enough, Volunteering for
such
 activities is equally important.
Therefore
, Teenagers are the best option for helping
such
 institutions.
This
 is a good way to teach them
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
towrads
Correct your spelling
towards
 society. While some parents do not agree to
having
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their children work for
such
services
, It has to be made compulsory for every high school student to contribute some help towards these.
Furthermore
, These
services
 should be unpaid as students should consider it as a
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and not a job as most students are supported by their parents at
this
 age, extra scores
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 sufficient to encourage
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 towards these
services
.
Finally
, These
services
 are the backbone to
maintian
Correct your spelling
maintain
 equal opportunity among the people. The government alone cannot support them without the help of people. Helping with cleaning the neighbourhood can develop a positive attitude among youngsters.
Also
, helping the orphans learning new activities
such
 as sports can help the nation produce athletes for worldwide competitions. Donation activities can help the poor and need to sustain the cost of living. In conclusion, I firmly believe that community
services
 should be mandatory for promoting
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsible
 and
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 attitude among youngsters and Providing
addtional
Correct your spelling
additional
 scores in academics can more important than money for these school children.
Submitted by roshan.rebello22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: