Most people are worried about young children playing video games, what problems might these games cause as a whole to society and individuals? What solutions can you suggest to reduce these problems.

#people #children #video #games #society #individuals

These days , many

children

spend a large amount of time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing

games

which make their

parents

feeling

Wrong verb form

feel

show examples

anxious about them .

Although

that

this

tendency can lead to several adverse consequences , I believe that there are multiple approaches to reduce these effects . On the one hand ,

this

habit can engender various harmful consequences to

children

Firstly

youngseters

Correct your spelling

youngsters

tend to waste their time , which should be invested in meaningful activities

such

as their studies , on playing

games

and

therefore

their performance

Change preposition

show examples

school will be affected negatively .

Secondly

satying

Correct your spelling

saying

staying

face to

sceens

Correct your spelling

scenes

screens

may cause some health

probelm

Correct your spelling

problem

problems

For example

, many studies show that persons who spend many hours face to

sceens

Correct your spelling

scenes

screens

tend to have

probelms

Correct your spelling

problems

Change preposition

with

show examples

their eyesight .

In addition

this

habit can decrease their physical activities and

then

the

probabilty

Correct your spelling

probability

of being obese and having

heart

Add an article

a heart

show examples

attack will become higher .

On the other hand

, there are several approaches that should be taken in order to

decreasing

Change the verb

decrease

show examples

these effects .

Parents

need to take certain steps, some video

games

are rated according to their content, so

parents

must check

this

and ensure their

children

are not allowed to have access to

games

that are unsuitable.

Parents

can

also

set limits on the length of time

games

are played.

Finally

parents

should

also

take an active interest in the

games

their

children

are playing so they can find out how they feel about what they are observing. In conclusion , playing

games

become increasingly popular among

younger

Correct article usage

the younger

show examples

. Despite that

this

trend can lead to harmful consequences , I believe that there are

effectives

Correct your spelling

effective

measures

should

Correct pronoun usage

that should

show examples

be taken into consideration in order to reduce the negative impact of

this

problem .

Submitted by molfruit7 on Tue Oct 19 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

294 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Most people are worried about young children playing video games, what problems might these games cause as a whole to society and individuals? What solutions can you suggest to reduce these problems.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The opinion exists that old buildings should be demolished to make way for modern structures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this?

Fast food advertisements can be found on TV and throughout social media, which tempts people to eat unhealthy food. Should fast food ads be banned

in some countries more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or buliding they live in. what are the reason for this? how can people research this?

Universities should take the same number of men and women in each major. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?