Celebrities make a very good living out of media attention and have chosen to live in the public spotlight. They have no right to complain when they feel the media are intruding on their privacy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is apparent that

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

famous persons

such

Linking Words

as celebrities and superstars will get a lot of attention from everyone. Some

people

Use synonyms

believe that all popular

people

Use synonyms

have to sacrifice their private

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

as their duty is being a public person, and they have to accept these conditions without any complaints,

whereas

Linking Words

, my opinion contradicts

this

Linking Words

viewpoint. In the following paragraphs, the reason supporting my idea will be discussed in detail.

To begin

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, celebrities are

also

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human so they should have quality time to rest and spend with their family. Being spotlighted all the time, even

they

Correct word choice

if they

show examples

are travelling with family on holidays, can make them stressed and anxious.

For example

Linking Words

, Lisa, a member of the famous Korean girl group, was followed by a vast majority of

people

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

she was shopping with her Thai friend at the shopping mall on her rest day.

As a result

Linking Words

, she could not continue shopping anymore and needed to go back home immediately.

For

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

reason,

people

Use synonyms

should understand the

feeling

Fix the agreement mistake

feelings

show examples

of superstars, and respect their privacy.

Secondly

Linking Words

, some of the fans act as a stoker to follow superstars everywhere, even

they

Rephrase

when they

show examples

are at their house.

This

Linking Words

can make them scared of being intruded.

For instance

Linking Words

, Robert Pattison revealed that when he was the actor in the Vampire Twilight saga, his reputation was at its peak. His house was always surrounded by an enormous number of

people

Use synonyms

every day and some of them tried to invade his house without a permit.

This

Linking Words

can lead to being uncomfortable as he was being spotlighted 24/7. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

it is normal to get attention for being

the

Correct article usage

apply

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celebrities, I strongly disagree with

this

Linking Words

issue,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

I think that they are

also

Linking Words

human,

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

should receive the eligibility to have a rest day to spend quality time with their family and

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

, and being intruded can lead them to be unpleasant and stressed.

prokoh_ja_555Thu Oct 21 2021

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Coherence and Cohesion

Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your main argument more explicitly.

Coherence and Cohesion

While your paragraphs support your main points, try to link them more clearly to the overall argument of privacy for celebrities.

Task Achievement

Ensure that each point you make addresses the specific question in a more focused manner to strengthen your response.

Task Achievement

Your use of examples to support your arguments is commendable, as it provides a more relatable context for your points.

Coherence and Cohesion

You demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic and present a structured argument throughout the essay.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

317 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Public spotlight
Media intrusion
Social contract
Paparazzi
Ethical limits
Mental health
Privacy rights
Public persona
Harassment
Media scrutiny

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Celebrities make a very good living out of media attention and have chosen to live in the public spotlight. They have no right to complain when they feel the media are intruding on their privacy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A friend has agreed to look after your house and pet while you are on holiday. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: give contact details for when you are away, give instructions about how to care for your pet, describe other household duties you would like your friend to undertake.

Some people think that we learn best through in person interaction with the teacher in a classroom. Others believe that learning is more effective. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many people believe that watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do agree or disagree?

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Athers believes that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.