IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that men and women are equal and so women are able to do any job they want. Others feel that men women are not equal and therefore there certain jobs that are not suitable for women. What is your opinion

#believe #men #women #job #jobs
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Equality between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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 is an age-old debate, with society being divided on
this
Linking Words
 issue.
However
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, I agree with the notion that both
men
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 and
women
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 are equal,
thus
Linking Words
 allowing them to pursue any avenue of employment that they wish. I will substantiate my reasoning in the course of
this
Linking Words
 essay. First and foremost, both
men
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 and
women
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 have the same intellectual abilities to go into any profession.
For example
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, in Trivandrum, it is noted
fact
Add an article
the fact
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 that girls now are achieving higher grades than boys. Gone is the age of
women
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 being the fairer sex, thereby restricting them to certain roles.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many argue that
women
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 do not possess the physique required for roles
such
Linking Words
 as in the military, navy, and even the police force.
However
Linking Words
,
this
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 is no longer the case, as we see the
numbers
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number
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 of
women
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 joining the armed forces, substantially increasing.
Although
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 they may lack in certain areas, they make up in others.
For example
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. Female police officers are noted to be more approachable and nurturing as compared to
men
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.
For example
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, in Dubai, female police officers must accompany female drivers in their driving tests.
This
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 helps give the learner drivers a sense of calm and composure whilst they take
this
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 test. A study shows that females have better reaction times and survival skills.
Therefore
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, they tend to make better decisions in crisis times, which helps in maintaining law and order. In conclusion, everyone is free to apply for any job that they wish, and it is the job of the organisation to treat every applicant fairly provided they meet the requirements of the job.
This
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 fairness and equality will help future generations escape the shackles of
this
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 male egocentric society.
Submitted by Nigelvictorlawrence on

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task response
Well-developed arguments with strong supporting examples. Ensure to maintain consistency in point development throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and coherent structure with effective use of linking words. Try to maintain consistency in paragraph length and topic sentences.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary used is impressive, but be cautious of using overly complex terms. Ensure that the vocabulary used enhances clarity and precision.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure. Ensure to maintain consistency in tense usage throughout the essay.
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