IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people put their personal information (address, telephone number,...) online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #information #address #telephone #activities #networks #purposes #development
In modern society, personal
information
 required for everyday tasks is usually held on the Internet. From my perspective,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is no doubt that
this
 trend
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 proved to be convenient in various ways,
however
, there are serious technical risks that need to be articulated. On the one hand, the auto-filled process helps accelerate the
information
 exchange rate.
First,
faster access to a designated website can curb
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
usage time by a significant number.
For example
, many people own several social media accounts, which take them 5 to 10 minutes per day to log in
instead
 of an instant connection if the user names and passwords are autosaved.
Second,
automatic processes perform their task more precisely and efficiently than humans do. These features are extremely helpful in completing time-consuming and tedious tasks
such
 as declaring taxes or shopping for groceries on a weekly basis. By storing your personal
information
 online, the computer can replicate and perform your lists by themselves at the click of a button.
On the other hand
, personal
information
 which is held online can be stolen and exploited by hackers for financial purposes.
For example
, a growing number of people nowadays lose their private details to cybercriminals. The victims can be blackmailed by hackers for money in return for their social accounts, private messages, images, etc.
Moreover
, people that leak their banking
information
 to online scammers can result in losing a fortune. In conclusion, I believe that autosaving personal
information
 is an act with mixed outcomes, which can save Internet users a large amount of time
while
making
Verb problem
exposing
show examples
 them
exposed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to online scammers.
Submitted by chocolovemint99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure to fully address all aspects of the question, including discussing whether the trend is a positive or negative development.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and organized structure throughout the essay, ensuring that ideas flow logically and are connected cohesively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal information
  • Online privacy
  • Security concerns
  • Identity theft
  • Enhanced connectivity
  • Convenient access
  • Social networks
  • Banking purposes
  • Positive development
  • Negative impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: