Many different countries have most shops and products as the same. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#countries #shops #products #consider #development

Nowadays, the criteria defining a successful person

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

changed a lot in our

society

Although

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

history has many examples of

people

who were not famous

however

they were successful in their respective fields. In my perspective, success is defined by a

persons

Change noun form

person's

show examples

ability to perform their duties and not by the fame or the assets they possess.

Firstly

, few

people

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

might decline the fact that many

people

who are successful might not be famous. They might be at the top of their race because of their sheer tenacity.

For example

, recently I met an old man

while

I was waiting to board a bus from

kashimira

Change the capitalization

Kashimira

show examples

police station. He was sitting beside me when I asked him for a bus number which

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

help me to reach my destination.

This

is when our conversation started and during our

chat

Add a comma

chat,

show examples

I realized that the man sitting beside me is one of the top players in the securities trading industry. He had a turnover of around 400cr a year. Despite being successful, not many

people

know him in our country.

Besides

Society

knows just a handful of

people

who are famous because of the media influence.

For example

, Elon Musk and Jack

Capitalize word

show examples

. These

people

are famous because they have

bought

Correct your spelling

brought

show examples

a revolution in their respective industries by surprising the masses with their innovation.

Also

, they had the skills and ability to communicate with

society

such

a manner that one might

get

Verb problem

show examples

completely convinced

with

Change preposition

show examples

their ideas. They have shown the tremendous power of effective communication to the world.

To conclude

people

who are successful are indeed rich in our

society

However

, It may not be necessary that they are famous and

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

show examples

around the world.

Submitted by milonimadhavani on Tue Oct 26 2021

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task response

The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear opinion at the end. Make sure to introduce each side clearly to improve the coherence of the essay.

coherence and cohesion

The essay demonstrates a good organization and coherence. However, pay attention to the transition between paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas. Work on improving the introduction and conclusion to provide a more comprehensive overview of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many different countries have most shops and products as the same. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast foods. This has a negative impact on families, individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The picture illustrates the data about the amount of guests who traveled 4 various genres of travel industries between 1981 and 1999 in the UK.

Social networking sites are beneficial on an individual level, but for a community as a whole, it does have a negative impact. Give your opinion.

Some people say that to benefit the development of a child, the mother and father should take parenting classes. To what extent you agree or disagree with this statement?