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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money, government must investment this money in public services. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theater #waste #money #services
I would hazard a
gess
Correct your spelling
guess
, both statements are reasonable . Investigation to arts
such
 as music, theatre and so on it's important, and effect of
this
 investment we can feel just after several time. But culture and mental ability it's very important for people even they don't think about it. ,
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 some cultural activities can investigate by themselves. For,example very popular singers
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
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 bring a huge amount of profits, even they
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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 subsidized by government money. But other cultural activities can't be alive without government money,
such
 as a social
move
Replace the word
movement
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 which necessary for keeping social mental health, and make people
behaviour
Replace the word
behave
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 better or at least keep at the same level.
On the other hand
, public services are
also
 important. If your government does not provide public services at a good level, it leads to the disadvantage of
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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, and of cause culture of people will decrease dramatically. Public services it's a
necessary
Replace the word
necessity
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 to part of us,
for example
 taking passport, the same time its needs to
done
Add a missing verb
be done
show examples
 very quickly, and if public service is worse and due to
this
 reason person can't go abroad or apply to the university, of cause it's lead for disadvantages by the citizen
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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