IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
It is argued that government funds should not be spent on the arts,
such
 as music and plays.
However
, public money should be put on public
services
 like health and education. In my viewpoint, I believe that the priority should be on essential public
services
.
Firstly
, it can’t deny that with the unceasing development of economics, the living need of people increase which means the number of people is confronting a number of problems of their routine life, especially public serves. In many countries, these
services
inaccessible
Add a missing verb
are inaccessible
show examples
 to the majority of pp of
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
classe
Correct your spelling
classes
class
. The quality of life would be endangered if
such
services
 were not established.
For instance
, if the government does not
focused
Change the verb form
focus
show examples
on health care, the country's sickness and death rates would rise.
Furthermore
, if minimal funds are provided to education, economic progress would slow.
As a result
, it is
theduties
Correct your spelling
the duties
 and
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 government to provide funding in these important areas
first
, before focusing on any secondary sector.
On the other hand
, more financing for health care or education,
on the other hand
, does not mean a cut in donations for the arts. There are a lot of kinds of traditional art or music are the important key to open the door to connect every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 or any
cutral
Correct your spelling
control
 in the world without
loss
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 my own nature. Not only to make friends but
also
 it would be the best medician to relax and let
hair
Add an article
the hair
show examples
 down after face pressure or suffer
underpress
Correct your spelling
underpass
. Another reason is the transport for
next generation
Add a hyphen
next-generation
show examples
 have more respect about their ancestors. To conclude, there are many advantages to supported in public
services
 since it
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 people's quality of life.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, I
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
 deny that spending money to
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 art and creative forms is a waste.
Submitted by Sofianguyen.kt176 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: