IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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It is argued that government funds should not be spent on the arts,
such
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 as music and plays.
However
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, public money should be put on public
services
Use synonyms
 like health and education. In my viewpoint, I believe that the priority should be on essential public
services
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, it can’t deny that with the unceasing development of economics, the living need of people increase which means the number of people is confronting a number of problems of their routine life, especially public serves. In many countries, these
services
Use synonyms
inaccessible
Add a missing verb
are inaccessible
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 to the majority of pp of
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
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classe
Correct your spelling
classes
class
. The quality of life would be endangered if
such
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services
Use synonyms
 were not established.
For instance
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, if the government does not
focused
Change the verb form
focus
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on health care, the country's sickness and death rates would rise.
Furthermore
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, if minimal funds are provided to education, economic progress would slow.
As a result
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, it is
theduties
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the duties
 and
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
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for
Change preposition
of
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 government to provide funding in these important areas
first
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, before focusing on any secondary sector.
On the other hand
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, more financing for health care or education,
on the other hand
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, does not mean a cut in donations for the arts. There are a lot of kinds of traditional art or music are the important key to open the door to connect every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
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 or any
cutral
Correct your spelling
control
 in the world without
loss
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losing
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 my own nature. Not only to make friends but
also
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 it would be the best medician to relax and let
hair
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the hair
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 down after face pressure or suffer
underpress
Correct your spelling
underpass
. Another reason is the transport for
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next generation
Add a hyphen
next-generation
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 have more respect about their ancestors. To conclude, there are many advantages to supported in public
services
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 since it
improve
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improves
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 people's quality of life.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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Therefor
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Therefore
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, I
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
 deny that spending money to
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
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 art and creative forms is a waste.
Submitted by Sofianguyen.kt176 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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