IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic. In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

#topic #countries #smoke #places #people
Smoking nowadays is a common trend.
However
, smoking in
public
Add an article
a public
the public
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 is always a debatable question that whether it is okay to do it or not. Needless to mention that,
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the smoker
a smoker
show examples
smoker
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smokers
show examples
 should always do it in
desgnated
Correct your spelling
designated
 smoking
area
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areas
show examples
 and not in public.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
,
people
 are well aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the consequences of smoking, from youngsters to old
people
 everyone is habitual of it. Smokers do not bother about the place and as soon as they get a chance they start smoking.
For instance
, while waiting for the bus at the bus stop, a person
start
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starts
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 smoking without noticing the
people
 around him.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 results
into
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in
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 passive smoking for
the
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apply
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non smokers
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non-smokers
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 and it is as harmful as smoking a cigarette. Many
people
 who do not
smoke
, start facing lungs related health issues because they are in contact with the
people
 who
smokes
Change the verb form
smoke
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 in front of them. Since it is a common
area
, one person can not abstain others from smoking in front of them and the rest of the
people
 have to tolerate the
smoke
 which indeed
affect
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affects
show examples
 them.
Nontheless
Correct your spelling
Nonetheless
, many countries have realized
this
 problem and
initiate
Wrong verb form
initiated
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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new protocols for
the
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apply
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smoking in
public
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a public
the public
show examples
area
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areas
show examples
 in order to save the
non smoking
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non-smoking
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 crowd's health.
For instance
, if anyone wants to
smoke
 he has to go out of the metro station and
smoke
 in
designated
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a designated
the designated
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area
 so nobody
suffer
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suffers
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beause
Correct your spelling
because
 of that one smoker. Not smoking in
public
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the public
show examples
area
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areas
show examples
 has one more advantage that, the
people
 who are
at
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on
show examples
 the verge of
quiting
Correct your spelling
quitting
quite
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
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 see someone smoking and not crave
for
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apply
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it anymore. The other benefit is that kids
wont
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won't
show examples
 see and learn
this
 bad habit. In conclusion, smoking in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 particular
area
 has many pros and it is much better than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doing it in
public
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a public
the public
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Submitted by brijal_desai on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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