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Band 7

Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends
These days, humans are constantly striving for their success by doing a plethora of activities that could fuel
this
 journey.
Moreover
, many consider it to be the best thing and suggest that one should always struggle so that he can succeed in his work.
However
, many contradict the given statement and say that family and friends should be given higher significance. In my opinion, I consider both are equally significant because there has to be a balance between them and if either of them falls short life turns out unpredictable and could have devastating consequences.
To begin
 with, the foremost reason why a career has to be given consideration is it allows people to earn more and have a better standard of living.
Thereafter
, it enables humans to be able to make decisions as they would not be required to be worried about lower income.
As a result
, there are potential chances for them to live happily without a constant urge
for finding
Change preposition
to find
show examples
 better work.
For example
, a friend of mine who
immensely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
worked in his job many years is now living his life happily as he was promoted to manager role because of his valuable contribution to the company. So, working towards achieving a goal has its benefits.
On the other hand
, citizens struggle ultimately for the well-being of their family, and if enough time is not allocated
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 creating valuable memories with them it makes no sense for constant dedication towards a career.
Firstly
, a person must make sure that friends and family are enjoying their life to the fullest, and if he fails to
assure
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
 it there is no meaning for his efforts. To illustrate it
further
, a friend of mine who earned crores of rupees could not make his parents happy by spending time with them and considered money would let them have the pleasure which is not the case. So, no amount of money would weigh the same as the memories with our loved ones. In conclusion, no matter how hard an individual puts his efforts into the work if his loved ones could not enjoy its fruits there is no value in building a cherishable career even though it pays immensely.
Submitted by manojvamc on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explore the arguments in more depth to strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more transitional words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
lexial resource
N/A
grammatical range
N/A

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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