Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

These days, humans are constantly striving for their success by doing a plethora of activities that could fuel

this

journey.

Moreover

, many consider it to be the best thing and suggest that one should always struggle so that he can succeed in his work.

However

, many contradict the given statement and say that family and friends should be given higher significance. In my opinion, I consider both are equally significant because there has to be a balance between them and if either of them falls short life turns out unpredictable and could have devastating consequences.

To begin

with, the foremost reason why a career has to be given consideration is it allows people to earn more and have a better standard of living.

Thereafter

, it enables humans to be able to make decisions as they would not be required to be worried about lower income.

As a result

, there are potential chances for them to live happily without a constant urge

for finding

Change preposition

to find

show examples

better work.

For example

, a friend of mine who

immensely

Rephrase

apply

show examples

worked in his job many years is now living his life happily as he was promoted to manager role because of his valuable contribution to the company. So, working towards achieving a goal has its benefits.

On the other hand

, citizens struggle ultimately for the well-being of their family, and if enough time is not allocated

Change preposition

show examples

creating valuable memories with them it makes no sense for constant dedication towards a career.

Firstly

, a person must make sure that friends and family are enjoying their life to the fullest, and if he fails to

assure

Verb problem

ensure

show examples

it there is no meaning for his efforts. To illustrate it

further

, a friend of mine who earned crores of rupees could not make his parents happy by spending time with them and considered money would let them have the pleasure which is not the case. So, no amount of money would weigh the same as the memories with our loved ones. In conclusion, no matter how hard an individual puts his efforts into the work if his loved ones could not enjoy its fruits there is no value in building a cherishable career even though it pays immensely.

Submitted by manojvamc on Fri Nov 05 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and explore the arguments in more depth to strengthen your response.

coherence cohesion

Consider using more transitional words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.

lexial resource

N/A

grammatical range

N/A

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

367 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to bring up children? What consequences could this way of parenting pose on children as they get older?
It's a common belief that indulging children with doing whatever they want and buying things whatever they ask for has been becoming a parenting approach in many families. From my perspective, this is not a good way to raise kids because of having certain negative impacts upon them in the future.
4
band
“What are the advantages of getting news online? What are the drawbacks
There is no doubt that these days online news is one of the most important ways of finding out about the world. But what are the benefits of this situation and what are the drawbacks?
4.5
band
As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the level of pollution caused by the increased number of private cars. It is undeniable that moving with a car has become an essential part of our life.However, these days we have a lot of problems with pollution in many cities. One of the main aspects of the problem is that people prefer car than other transports.One of the main reasons behind that is that other transports are not comfortable, like cars.Besides bus has low speed.Furthemore,little space for people.Nowadays we have a lot of applications where you can give an order or call a taxi.Reasons of that,there is a lot applications with taxi,the price of taxi analogically becomes cheaper.Hence,taxi becomes best option for go somewhere.This could lead to air pollution.
5
band
The friends that children have are a very important part of their lives. What kinds of influence may children's friends have on them? What can parents do to ensure that their children's friends are a good influence on them?
It is generally agreed that peer’s pressure is inevitable, since kids are raised up in the society and contact other children daily. The impact friends have on the young people can be both beneficial and disastrous, depending on numerous circumstances. However, I firmly believe that parents may set certain conditions to provide positive influence of others on their offspring, such as instilling the right values in them and teaching them to think independently.
5
band
Some student work while studying.This often results in lacking tome for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can yoi suggest?
In this present scenario mostly student found working and studying at the same time. Some of them manage their work and study while other gets frustrated and depressed. Many student lack financiallyand tents to be work for their own by themselves. However, some of them thought that working in any institution would grab the experience for future benefits and they were more secure to get higher level of job after completing of their study level.

Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to bring up children? What consequences could this way of parenting pose on children as they get older?

“What are the advantages of getting news online? What are the drawbacks

As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

The friends that children have are a very important part of their lives. What kinds of influence may children's friends have on them? What can parents do to ensure that their children's friends are a good influence on them?

Some student work while studying.This often results in lacking tome for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the cause of this? What solution can yoi suggest?