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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays,many xschools find it profitable to sell food and sugary drinks to students during lunch time breaks. Is this a positive or negative development?

#xschools #food #drinks #students #lunch #time #breaks #development
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Selling junk
foods
Use synonyms
 and high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 sugar drinks help many
schools
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 to make an important
profit
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay ,I will extend my point of view that the actions are
harmfully
Replace the adverb
harmful
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 because it
establishes
Wrong verb form
establish
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 bad
habits
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 of eating on the children and lead to obesity.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it makes an essential
profit
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 for the
schools
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. Providing ,
to begin
Linking Words
 with ,unhealthy
food
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 in
schools
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 canteens as an option at the
lunch time
Correct your spelling
lunchtime
show examples
 has
as a result
Linking Words
 children to follow bad
food
Use synonyms
habits
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 at the early stage of their lives. If teenagers ,
for instance
Linking Words
,learn to eat high fatty
foods
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 ,it will be difficult to adopt better
food
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habits
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 when they will be adults.
Similarly
Linking Words
, as it is well - known junk
foods
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 have
as a result
Linking Words
 people
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 obese . Learning students to eat junk
foods
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 and sugary drinks could cause obesity to them. Teenagers ,
for example
Linking Words
, who eat high-fat
foods
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 are more overweight than the others who follow
a good eating schedules
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good eating schedule
good eating schedules
show examples
 in their lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , a large number of
schools
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 are private in most of the countries and need financial stability.Selling
foods
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 like ,chocolate and chips , which are very addictive can help them to achieve an enormous
profit
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 in order to provide a high level of education and specific equipment. In summary,if
schools
Use synonyms
 canteens sell
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy types of
food
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 has as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consequences children to adopt bad
habits
Use synonyms
 in their lives and to be obese.
However
Linking Words
 ,most of the
schools
Use synonyms
 are private companies and need
profit
Use synonyms
 to survive. I strongly believe that unhealthy stuff should be banned from selling at
schools
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by adsougl on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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