IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both there views and give your opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
It is undeniable that
companies
 nowadays ask applicants to fill
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
details
 about their personal choices and life
such
 as their likes, dislikes and marital status.
This
 practice is appreciated by a section of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society while opposed by others. Personally, I believe that revealing personal
information
 anywhere in the job application is not beneficial.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view, followed by a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, there are many people who consider that providing personal
information
 to employers is advantageous for them because it enables the company to offer incentives that suit the interests of the staff.
For example
, employers sometimes offer free memberships of clubs and gym fitness
centers
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centres
show examples
, which is definitely helpful for workers. In India, product-based
companies
,
for example
, take all the relevant
information
 about an applicant before offering a job and after joining, these
companies
 provide free gym access and certain discounts on various clubs according to employee’s areas of interest.
Hence
, giving personal
information
 is beneficial to some extent.
On the other hand
, many consider these
details
 irrelevant and I agree with these people.
Firstly
, during the application for a job, personal
information
 does not play any role. To explain it in more detail, an application should have all the
details
 about the candidate’s technical experience and educational
details
 because a position is offered only on the basis of the candidate’s ability and not because he is married or sporty.
Secondly
, sometimes firms show bias when they learn about a worker’s marital status.
For example
, a bachelor / an unmarried person) can work
in
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apply
show examples
night shifts and he can work on weekends
also
 because he is not married.
Consequently
, these
companies
 may show a reluctance to hire married applicants.
Therefore
, making personal
details
 available to
companies
 could be harmful to workers.
Also
,
companies
 do not need
this
information
 during the hiring process. To conclude, it is a common practice among
companies
 to collect the personal
information
 of their employees.
However
, I strongly believe that it is not helpful anywhere and sometimes it can have a negative impact on employees. Do you have an essay on
this
 topic? Submit it below in the comments for a free band score estimate.
Submitted by nslimited26 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
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