IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#say #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
parents
Use synonyms
 prefer to send their
children
Use synonyms
 to
group
Use synonyms
 classes while others argue that it is better to let their
children
Use synonyms
 manage their leisure hours.
Although
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 will be safe and sound in the
group
Use synonyms
 classes, I believe that it is crucial for
children
Use synonyms
 to learn to be independent by allowing them to manage their free time.
Parents
Use synonyms
 feel assured that their
children
Use synonyms
 are safe in the
group
Use synonyms
 courses where their
children
Use synonyms
 will be under the watchful eyes of the teachers. As there will always be tutors around in the classes,
parents
Use synonyms
 do not need to worry about their
children
Use synonyms
 participating in dangerous
activities
Use synonyms
. Even if something unfortunate happened to the
children
Use synonyms
, they would be well taken care of by their class tutors.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a student fell down and was injured, her class tutor would bring her to the clinic and inform her
parents
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to become more independent if they are allowed to manage their free hours, under the guidance of their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 will have to find out which activity they want to do, check where they can do it and how to do it,
instead
Linking Words
 of following what has been already arranged for them by their
parents
Use synonyms
. After all,
parents
Use synonyms
 will still need to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 to be independent, as there will be a day when the
parents
Use synonyms
 will no longer be around.
Although
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 allow their
children
Use synonyms
 to manage their own time and
activities
Use synonyms
, they should monitor their
children
Use synonyms
's
activities
Use synonyms
, so that they know what is going on with their
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, while letting
children
Use synonyms
 participate in
group
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 ensures their safety , allowing their sons and daughters to manage their free time gives them the opportunity to be able to stand on their own feet, which is one of the essential life skills.
Submitted by Wai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: