Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests

These days some

employers

are need

Change the verb form

need

show examples

to know some personal

information

from the candidates.

For instance

, their interesting things and general hobbies. While some believe that

these personal

Change the determiner

this personal information

show examples

information

could be highly important, others argue that it is not necessary to get involved in their personal life. I completely agree with the former one, and in

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will discuss both sides of the argument. People who believe that the personal

information

such

as marital status and other interests of the

employees

are not important, I totally disagree with them, because when

employers

do not know any background about their candidates who would be hired in their company,

this

could be risky for the work sake. One of these risky reasons is that may be the employee is

unreliable

Add an article

an unreliable

the unreliable

show examples

person.

In contrast

, people

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would argue that it is essential to know some personal

information

about the

employees

before they

getting

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

hired.

This

may

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

advantages

outweigh

Correct pronoun usage

that outweigh

show examples

the disadvantages.

For example

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

employers

could determine

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

salaries based on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

marital status.

Furthermore

, being aware of

employees

interests could improve work progress and the

efficiently

Replace the word

efficiency

show examples

of the workforce would be evolved.

Employers

could help

employees

to improve their habits and interests. In conclusion,

employers

who would not know anything about their workers would have been more

Change preposition

apply

show examples

dangerous

Replace the word

danger

show examples

than the

employers

who know some basics about their

employees

. In my point of view, there are no credible alternatives for the

employers

, except that they should know more about their

employers

Submitted by fahdhussien21 on Mon Nov 08 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

job application
personal information
hobbies and interests
marital status
relevant
useful
privacy
assessing candidates
qualifications
experience

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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

More and more women go out to work. It is the government's responsibility to subsidise them and provide free staffs and facilities to care for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

recent technological development means we can stay in touch with people no matter where they are in the world why is it important to keep in touch with people? is face to face interaction more important than communicating online?

More and more people are using mobile phones and the internet to communicate so people are losing the ability to have face-to-face conversations, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that students should be given more homework, while others think that homework interferes with their personal lives and free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.