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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salary #consideration
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Today, students take into account the income more than their capability before deciding on their future
job
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. My opinion on the matter is that
this
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 tendency may cause
people
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 to have irreversible and adverse consequences
such
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 as a sense of frustration and lifelong regret in the future, yet choosing a high-income
job
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 may
also
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 provide a large amount of wealth and comfort in case of
success
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. Under contemporary life conditions, the majority of
people
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 attempt to be wealthy
people
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instead
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 of being happy in the future. From some perspectives,
this
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 approach might be reasonable, whereas every individual is not capable of performing every kind of
job
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 and
people
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 cannot specialize in a field that they do not have the adequate ability. We can see
this
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 when a person who has the ability
of
Change preposition
to
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 paint try to be a mechanical engineer.
As a result
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 of
this
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,
people
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 will have to live the captivity of a life in which they are not successful or even happy.
Moreover
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, I am certain that they will
also
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 regret knowing they had a chance to do something they could be successful at and deliberately rejecting it.
On the other hand
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, I have witnessed some incidents that a number of
people
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 who had chosen a high-income
job
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 arbitrarily regardless of their capability and achieved amazing
success
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.
Thus
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, I doubt
this
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 opinion in
such
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 a case. To illustrate, multitasking
people
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 have more chance to prefer o
job
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 that they can
be accomplish
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be accomplished
show examples
 than those who do not have various talents. If someone has literacy skills and mathematical intelligence at the same time, more often than not they are not conflicted by possibilities and achieve
success
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. Apart from that, sometimes only working hard carries
people
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 to
success
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 alone.
For instance
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, if factory employees maintain to work at the same factory for a long time period, they can be assigned the executive position one day and achieve economic comfort.
However
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,
this
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 takes a very long time. In conclusion, choosing a
job
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 solely on the basis of the amount of income may not lead to negative
consequence
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consequences
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 for a number of
people
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,
,
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apply
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Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 the majority of
people
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 is not as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as lucky. From my point of view,
this
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 is analogous to playing gamble on life and I think it is not necessary.
People
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 should focus on working in areas where they have interests and skills.
Submitted by meliike.bekcii on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consideration
  • sole factor
  • financial stability
  • security
  • motivating factor
  • dissatisfaction
  • demotivation
  • job satisfaction
  • overall well-being
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • vacations
  • career growth opportunities
  • skill development
  • advancement
  • determining factor
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