IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many parents these days work in other countries, taking their families with them. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#parents #work #countries #families #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary epoch ,the tendency of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most individuals is to work in the other part of the world with their couples as well as children rather than in their motherland. While
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that it has many pros ,but in the forthcoming
paragraphs
Add a comma
,paragraphs
show examples
 I will discuss the downsides too. Analysing the statement and explaining
further
Linking Words
, the
first
Linking Words
 and foremost benefit is that by working in the overseas people can earn hefty amount ,due to
this
Linking Words
 they not only able to provide the good education amenities to their offsprings but
also
Linking Words
 enjoy the good lifestyle of that nations.To epitome ,in 2018 a survey was monitored by the immigration department of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
America ,and it shows that just because of the facilities and has many industries and companies attracted the nearly 80 per cent masses worldwide towards it.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , working in the foreign always gives immigrants the opportunity to get jobs in the multinational companies which help them to make the name of their home country at the international levels ,
thus
Linking Words
 they can use it as a show-off to their kith and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
kins .
Therefore
Linking Words
, owing to these plus points people usually travel
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas for
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, no one is perfect in
this
Linking Words
 world and everything has some downsides so
this
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 similar to the given condition.
Firstly
Linking Words
, trips to the foreign countries lead to homesickness and hazard to their culture ,it is because when they visit other nations for work purposes so sometimes they start following the manner as well as the etiquette of that place . As an outcome ,they often forget the rituals of their birthplace which is totally put detrimental impacts on their upcoming generations. To conclude ,
although
Linking Words
 migration to the overseas has disadvantages for the people as well as for their families after the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
deliberation I can say that pros are more worthwhile for persons as it leads to a healthier lifestyle of the masses with good payable jobs.
Submitted by HMP on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: