IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #time #people #internet #activities #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given charts compare the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 in the 18-26 age group and senior citizens allocate
time
Use synonyms
 to plenty
internet
Change preposition
of internet
show examples
 activities in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. As can be observed,
people
Use synonyms
 from 18-26 years of age spend
time
Use synonyms
 on
socical
Correct your spelling
social
 networking
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the highest,
while
Linking Words
 elderly
people
Use synonyms
 use
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 for making
Add an article
a booking
the booking
show examples
booking
Fix the agreement mistake
bookings
show examples
. The percentage of young
people
Use synonyms
 for
reaserching
Correct your spelling
researching
, which stand at 20%, is 6 times
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
less as that of senior citizens. There are 18% of the playing game in youngsters
while
Linking Words
 the figure
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 up only 6%. Social networking
account
Change the verb form
accounts
show examples
 for 24% of the
time
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 between 18 and 26 in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with only 8%
elderly
Change preposition
of elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 counterparts. Standing at 21%, the proportion that the young allocated
time
Use synonyms
 for accessing music and films is 4 times
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
less
as
Change preposition
than
show examples
 that
aged
Change preposition
of aged
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. The usage
time
Use synonyms
 for making
booking
Add an article
a booking
the booking
show examples
 in the young is considerably
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 than that
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 from 60-70 years of age, standing at 5% as opposed to 29%. Using
time
Use synonyms
 to make purchases represented 12% of the online activities of the young
whereas
Linking Words
 that of older
people
Use synonyms
recored
Correct your spelling
recorded
reported
record
 a slightly higher figure, at 14%.
Submitted by nguyenngockhuyen176 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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