The pie charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time younger and older people spend on various Internet activities in their free time.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given charts compare the proportion of
time
that
people
in the 18-26 age group and senior citizens allocate
time
to plenty
internet
Change preposition
of internet
show examples
activities in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
time
. As can be observed,
people
from 18-26 years of age spend
time
on
socical
Correct your spelling
social
networking
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the highest,
while
elderly
people
use
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
for making
Add an article
a booking
the booking
show examples
booking
Fix the agreement mistake
bookings
show examples
. The percentage of young
people
for
reaserching
Correct your spelling
researching
, which stand at 20%, is 6 times
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
less as that of senior citizens. There are 18% of the playing game in youngsters
while
the figure
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
old
people
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
up only 6%. Social networking
account
Change the verb form
accounts
show examples
for 24% of the
time
that
people
between 18 and 26 in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
with only 8%
elderly
Change preposition
of elderly
show examples
people
counterparts. Standing at 21%, the proportion that the young allocated
time
for accessing music and films is 4 times
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
less
as
Change preposition
than
show examples
that
aged
Change preposition
of aged
show examples
people
. The usage
time
for making
booking
Add an article
a booking
the booking
show examples
in the young is considerably
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
than that
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
from 60-70 years of age, standing at 5% as opposed to 29%. Using
time
to make purchases represented 12% of the online activities of the young
whereas
that of older
people
recored
Correct your spelling
recorded
reported
record
a slightly higher figure, at 14%.
Submitted by nguyenngockhuyen176 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: