IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

People hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer. You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

#people #hobbies #interests #change #time #reflection #trends #fashions #indication #individuals #support #arguments #evidence
A number of individuals utilise their
leisure
 period as other members of the
society
 do, which
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 changed as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 passes by.
This
 essay strongly agrees with
this
 statement as it will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digitisation
 and the economic
effects
impact
 on various timelines. To initiate with,
digitisation
 is one of the vital factors that
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
Correct article usage
a persons
show examples
persons
Change the noun form
person
show examples
leisure
time
 are utilised. Societies have changed significantly all over the
world
 in the
last
 three decades when the
men
 used to idle
time
 for gardening and the
women
 were busy with numerous types of
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
 building on clothes and other components, whereas now
men
 are spending
time
 with
computer
 games, which is learnt from the
influence
 of the
society
 and
women
 are spending
time
 with the gardening culture. In Bangladesh,
for instance
, the
Computer
 journal published a report, which indicates an increase of 80%
men
professionals
, who can afford a computing
PlayStation
,
switch
Change the verb form
switches
show examples
 their
leisure
activities
 due to the
influence
 of their
colleagues
 in the
last
 10 years, which is influenced by their
colleagues
.
Therefore
,
digitisation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
impact
 on
leisure
activities
 as they copy their
colleagues
.
In contrast
, economic
effects
 had played a part on the globe while changing
leisure
activities
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. As the developed countries
high income
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
holders have only switched their
leisure
activities
cause
 of affordability;
nevertheless
, technology will not be economical unless it is utilised, which can be followed from the trend of the mature economy.
For example
, In The United States of America over 90% of male
professionals
 are playing
PlayStation
 in their spare
time
, according to the source of the daily mail as the
price
 is
affordable
Add an article
the affordable
an affordable
show examples
cause
 of high demands. To conclude,
digitisation
 is changing
society
’s
leisure
 activity all over the
world
 from traditional
activities
such
 as gardening or
craft
.
On the other hand
,
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
an economical
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
price
 is influencing the change slowly in various parts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. A number of individuals utilise their
leisure
 period as other members of the
society
 do, which
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 changed as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 passes by.
This
 essay strongly agrees with
this
 statement as it will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digitisation
 and the economic
effects
impact
 on various timelines. To initiate with,
digitisation
 is one of the vital factors that
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
Correct article usage
a persons
show examples
persons
Change the noun form
person
show examples
leisure
time
 are utilised. Societies have changed significantly all over the
world
 in the
last
 three decades when the
men
 used to idle
time
 for gardening and the
women
 were busy with numerous types of
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
 building on clothes and other components, whereas now
men
 are spending
time
 with
computer
 games, which is learnt from the
influence
 of the
society
 and
women
 are spending
time
 with the gardening culture. In Bangladesh,
for instance
, the
Computer
 journal published a report, which indicates an increase of 80%
men
professionals
, who can afford a computing
PlayStation
,
switch
Change the verb form
switches
show examples
 their
leisure
activities
 due to the
influence
 of their
colleagues
 in the
last
 10 years, which is influenced by their
colleagues
.
Therefore
,
digitisation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
impact
 on
leisure
activities
 as they copy their
colleagues
.
In contrast
, economic
effects
 had played a part on the globe while changing
leisure
activities
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. As the developed countries
high income
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
holders have only switched their
leisure
activities
cause
 of affordability;
nevertheless
, technology will not be economical unless it is utilised, which can be followed from the trend of the mature economy.
For example
, In The United States of America over 90% of male
professionals
 are playing
PlayStation
 in their spare
time
, according to the source of the daily mail as the
price
 is
affordable
Add an article
the affordable
an affordable
show examples
cause
 of high demands. To conclude,
digitisation
 is changing
society
’s
leisure
 activity all over the
world
 from traditional
activities
such
 as gardening or
craft
.
On the other hand
,
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
an economical
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
price
 is influencing the change slowly in various parts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Submitted by toriqul1976 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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