IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #influence #behaviour
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As we know that
people
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 these days have a great impact
towards
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on
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technology
Use synonyms
 as the whole world is revolving
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around
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round
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around
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 it.A small part of the
society
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 trusts that the brutality shown
on
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in
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 computer games and
telivision
Correct your spelling
television
 has a negative impact on
the
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apply
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society
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.In my
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opinion
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opine
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,opine
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i
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I
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 would state the above statement to be true.The above essay will elaborate on why
i
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I
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 wished to choose that option. The
telvision
Correct your spelling
television
 and computers these days are just influencing kids these days towards the negative path.As kids at a very early age are just known for imprinting whatever they see.
For instance
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,many kids in different countries in teenage are getting abducted for
substancial
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substantial
 drugs and many for killing
people
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.In countries like America the crime rate is getting increased rapidly daily,the main reason could be the adverse effect of watching
voilence
Correct your spelling
violence
 in movies.They are just trying to act like the superheroes like them but
eventually
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,eventually
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 they are becoming a murderer, by the
the
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apply
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time they are realizing it is getting very late for them. Another reason could be, as
people
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 are always looking on their phone
instead
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 of talking to
people
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 around
this
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 is one of
reasons
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the reasons
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 due to which
people
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 are lacking
the
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apply
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moral values.If a person always
look
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looks
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 at crimes and cruelty they wouldn't know whatever they are doing is according to
society
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 virtues.For
exmaple
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example
,many scientists have proved that your brain
listen
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listens
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 to social beings more
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then
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than
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 watching movies due to trust
build
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built
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 between humans and as we are social beings we tend to get attracted more towards
people
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 acts. We are staying in a
society
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 where starting from an infant to the very old
citzen
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citizen
 everyone has
technology
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.Everyone is getting so involved in using them at times mostly
tennagers
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teenagers
 are forgetting their responsibilities towards
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society
Add an article
the society
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 due to
this
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 and as
people
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 are always involved in the
technology
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 as they are forgetting about the world and
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 morals which are most needed for
people
Use synonyms
 to sustain on
this
Linking Words
 globe.
Submitted by srinukamshetty707 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • emotional and psychological development
  • impair
  • empathy
  • contributing factor
  • distinction
  • fiction and reality
  • mature audiences
  • reflective
  • prevalence
  • societal issues
What to do next:
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