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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Most of the groceries that we consume every day have a high level of
sugar
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 and
this
Linking Words
amount
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 of
sugar
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 cause numerous diseases. Overall ,some
people
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 believe that increasing the
cost
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 of these
products
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 can encourage
people
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 to buy them lower. In my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 is a good way but it is not so efficient. Our society
have
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has
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 been faced with a big problem which is obesity.
This
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 illness can cause numerous problems like diabetes or cardiovascular disease. The problem is that
people
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in
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apply
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all
of
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over
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 the world are using a high
amount
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 of
sugar
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 without a specific diet. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
people
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 become fat and a fat person not only cannot exercise well, but
also
Linking Words
they
Correct your spelling
the
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 face with some health issue.
Sugar
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products
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 are very delicious and
people
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 want to buy and consume them. There are some ways that we can stop
this
Linking Words
 problem.
In
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On
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, we can compel companies to soar their product's
cost
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,
however
Linking Words
, it has some problems, Food producers are making money
with
Change preposition
by
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 selling their
products
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 and forcing them to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
their
Change to a genitive case
the cost of their products
the cost of their product
show examples
products
Use synonyms
cost
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 can make them angry because
higher
Add an article
the higher
show examples
cost
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 of a product can lead to lower benefits.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
people
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 will buy anything they need without paying attention to its
cost
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, governments can act better to decrease the
amount
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 of
sugar
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consuming
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consumption
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. They must teach everybody that they should eat a lower
amount
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 of
sugar
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 to keep their health condition stable. Governments should use their power in social media or pass some rules to teach
people
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. If every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 learn what is a healthy diet, they would not use sugary foods anymore. One of the successful efforts of governments to teach
people
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 is using seat belts. When
people
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 found that it is vital for their survival, they used it. In conclusion, I suppose that teaching
people
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 to have a healthy diet can be more efficient than the other ways.
Submitted by mohamadamin1376 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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