IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe that all the company decisions should be taken by the managers whereas others think it is better to include employees while making decisions. Discuss both the points and give your opinion.

#people #company #decisions #managers #employees #points
The line graph demonstrates the data on overseas
students
 from Vietnam who studied in
France
,
Russian
 and
America
 from 2000 to 2015. As an overall trend, it is noticeable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there were similar upward trends in the number of
students
 in
America
 and
France
, while
Russian
 witnessed a downward trend. As shown in the graph, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
students
 in
France
 was highest in 2000, whereas
America
 was the most popular destination in 2015. In 2000, there was an average of 3.5
million
students
 studying in
France
, in comparison with only 3
million
 in
Russian
 and 1.5
million
 in
America
. Over the
next
 five years, there was a considerable plummet of nearly a
million
 in
France
 and
Russian
, whereas
America
 witnessed an acceleration
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2
million
students
. From 2005 onwards, the figure for the US shotted up to 5
million
students
 at the end of the period after rising sharply in 10 years, while there was
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stability at 2.5
million
students
 in
France
, which was followed by a substantial escalation to 4.5
million
 in 2015.
However
/
By contrast
/
Conversely
, the figure in
Russian
 hit the lowest at under 2
million
, but later experienced a recovery back to 2.5
million
students
.
Submitted by Lyn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • broader perspective
  • company's goals and strategy
  • informed decisions
  • align with the company's vision
  • boost morale
  • higher job satisfaction
  • productivity
  • experience and expertise
  • complex decisions
  • company's success
  • hands-on experience
  • insights
  • practical solutions
  • innovative ideas
  • extensive consultation
  • faster response times
  • competitive market
  • collaborative work culture
  • improve communication
What to do next:
Look at other essays: