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Band 4.5

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

#people #drinks #drink
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Nowadays, there are more and more consuming sugar-based
drinks
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. The following paragraphs indicate why
this
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 situation is more popular and the keys to
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
show examples
this
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 sugar-based
drinks
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 demand. The main reasons are that sugar-based
drinks
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 are cheap and help
people
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 save
time
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. Generally, sugar-based
drinks
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 refer to any beverage with added sugar or other sweeteners, whose typical examples are soft
drinks
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 and energy
drinks
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.
Firstly
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, sugar-based
drinks
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 are so cheap that
people
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 hardly decline to
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drink
Correct pronoun usage
themdrink
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. In the competitive market, the price of soft
drinks
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 and energy
drinks
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 is
more and more cheap
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cheaper and cheaper
cheaper
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 and
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 cheaper than other
drinks
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such
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 as
smoothie
Fix the agreement mistake
smoothies
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 and
juice
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.
For example
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, a 1,5 lit bottle of Coca-Cola costs about 18.000 VND, whereas a
300 milliliter
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300-milliliter
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 bottle of watermelon
juice
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 costs 18.000 VND, too. Nextly, because of having a busy life,
people
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 do not have
time
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 to wait for water bartenders to make
drinks
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. Sugar-based
drinks
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 like soft
drinks
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 and energy
drinks
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 are widely sold at vending machines or
cantines
Correct your spelling
canines
canteens
in
Change preposition
at
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 work or school.
In contrast
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,
smoothie
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smoothies
show examples
 and
juice
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 are seldom sold there;
therefore
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, when
people
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 want to
drink
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 them, they must order on a booking application or buy directly at a shop, which takes lots of
time
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. A busy person, of course, usually chooses sugar-based
drinks
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 as the sole choice. In that sugar-based
drinks
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 are really not good for health,
people
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 should
drink
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 less. With the
first
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 reason below, the government needs to increase tax on these products to decrease unnecessary consumption.
Besides
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people
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 really buy them for economic reasons, there are many
people
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 who just buy them because of their laziness. Consumers can solve
this
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 problem by making
drinks
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 themselves to save money or buying smoothies and
juice
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 at a shop. The way to solve the other problem about saving
time
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 is instructing
people
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 to manage their
time
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 more efficiently to have more
time
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 to
drink
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 themselves or buy
smoothie
Fix the agreement mistake
smoothies
show examples
 and
juice
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. When being able to control
time
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,
people
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 have more free
time
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 to do more meaningful things;
therefore
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, not only is
this
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 way useful to health but
also
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 good for their life.
People
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 can easily learn to control
time
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 through online courses on Youtube or Coursera. Briefly, the problem of
people
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 consuming more and more sugar-based
drinks
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 is caused by a number of factors as discussed above. Increasing taxes on sugar-based
drinks
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 and instructing
people
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 to manage their
time
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 more efficiently are two feasible solutions to combat
such
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 problems.
Submitted by Andy on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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