IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show how selected age groups purchased concert cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.

The charts below show how selected age groups purchased concert cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.
#show #age #groups #concert #cinema #theatre #tickets #first #three #months #countries #internet
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The charts presented how two different ranges of age used the internet and which type of devices were mostly used in order to buy concert, cinema and theatre
tickets
Use synonyms
 in the first quarter of 2013 in
Australia
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,
UK
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 and
Malaysia
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. It was clear that in
UK
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 and
Use synonyms
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
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 there were more young people (age
of
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apply
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25-44) buying
tickets
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 on the internet than the older group (age
of
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apply
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65 and above), approximately 55%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, both groups in
Malaysia
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 had about 45% of
tickets
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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bought online and the older group was slightly higher than the young one. In terms of internet
accessing
Change the form of the verb
access
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 devices, the desktop computer was the most popular, with over 60%. Followed by
Add an article
a laptop
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laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
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 with nearly 45% in
Australia
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 and
Malaysia
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 and about 30% in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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. And
lastly
Linking Words
, the mobile phone was the least common
devices
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device
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 with only 30% in
Malaysia
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 and lower in
Australia
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 and
UK
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. In conclusion, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people buy
tickets
Use synonyms
 online and the desktop computer was the device that was used most.
Submitted by momokonakaoka on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tickets, australia, uk, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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