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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The charts below show how selected age groups purchased concert cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.

The charts below show how selected age groups purchased concert cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.
#show #age #groups #concert #cinema #theatre #tickets #first #three #months #countries #internet
The charts presented how two different ranges of age used the internet and which type of devices were mostly used in order to buy concert, cinema and theatre
tickets
 in the first quarter of 2013 in
Australia
,
UK
 and
Malaysia
. It was clear that in
UK
 and
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
show examples
 there were more young people (age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25-44) buying
tickets
 on the internet than the older group (age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
65 and above), approximately 55%.
In contrast
, both groups in
Malaysia
 had about 45% of
tickets
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
bought online and the older group was slightly higher than the young one. In terms of internet
accessing
Change the form of the verb
access
show examples
 devices, the desktop computer was the most popular, with over 60%. Followed by
Add an article
a laptop
show examples
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
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 with nearly 45% in
Australia
 and
Malaysia
 and about 30% in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. And
lastly
, the mobile phone was the least common
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
 with only 30% in
Malaysia
 and lower in
Australia
 and
UK
. In conclusion, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people buy
tickets
 online and the desktop computer was the device that was used most.
Submitted by momokonakaoka on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words tickets, australia, uk, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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