IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Q Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you Agree or Disagree?

Law
Use synonyms
 enforcement forces helped maintain
law
Use synonyms
 and order in the country. There is a belief among a group of people that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 should not be employed as police officers. We are lucky to live in a world
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 there are rare cases
Use synonyms
women
Rephrase
where women
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 faced
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination. In the past,
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 has faced issues
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
letting
Verb problem
allowing
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 to be employed.
However
Linking Words
, in the modern era the
women
Use synonyms
 are now able to get jobs and their voting rights
in
Verb problem
are recognised in
show examples
law
Use synonyms
 and order. Allow me to explain
this
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 in every society is working towards the goal of
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
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 empowerment and
women
Use synonyms
 have equal rights
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 of men. Whether it is employment in the military forces,
law
Use synonyms
 enforcement or
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 department.
Thus
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 have shown that they can handle
much
Correct pronoun usage
it much
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 better,
prevailing
Verb problem
proving
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 that they have
Correct article usage
the talents
show examples
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
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 to work in the same field as men.
For example
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 can help as they are more organised, responsible and nurturing as compared to men.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these qualities help in solving criminal cases in a faster way by noticing and analysing small details.
For example
Linking Words
, in countless TV
shows
Punctuation problem
shows,
show examples
 they have shown that
women
Use synonyms
 are able to lead in police forces, some of them are even leaders and role models to the troops. In conclusion, I disagree with the viewpoint that
women
Use synonyms
 should not be employed as police officers. Every person is equal before
legislation
Check wording
the law
show examples
, irrespective of their
gender
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You make your view clear, but you need more detail. Add real facts or events, not only general words.
coherence
Make your plan clean. Use one idea in each paragraph with a clear line to the next.
stance
The answer shows a clear stand against the idea.
structure
There is a simple plan with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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