IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Q Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you Agree or Disagree?

Law
Use synonyms
 enforcement forces helped maintain
law
Use synonyms
 and order in the country. There is a belief among a group of people that females should not be employed as police officers. We are lucky to live in a world
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 there are rare cases
Use synonyms
women
Rephrase
where women
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 faced
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender discrimination. In the past,
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 has faced issues
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 gender discrimination
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
letting
Verb problem
allowing
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 to be employed.
However
Linking Words
, in the modern
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 era the
women
Use synonyms
 are now able to get jobs and their voting rights
in
Verb problem
are recognised in
show examples
law
Use synonyms
 and order. Allow me to explain
this
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, every society is working towards the goal of
women
Use synonyms
 having equal rights
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 of men. Whether it is employment in the military forces,
law
Use synonyms
 enforcement or
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 department.
Thus
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 have shown that they can handle
much
Correct pronoun usage
it much
show examples
 better,
prevailing
Verb problem
proving
show examples
 that they have the
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
show examples
 to work in the same field as men.
For example
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 can help as they are more organised, responsible and nurturing as compared to men.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these qualities help in solving criminal cases in a faster way by noticing and analysing small details.
For example
Linking Words
, in countless TV shows, they have shown that
women
Use synonyms
 are able to lead in police forces, some of them are even leaders and role models to the troops. In conclusion, I disagree with the viewpoint that
women
Use synonyms
 should not be employed as police officers. Every person is equal before
legislation
Check wording
the law
show examples
, irrespective of their gender.

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task
State your view clearly in the first line. Add stronger reasons and real facts about police work, not only talk about TV shows.
coherence
Link ideas with clear ties between sentences. Use simple links like 'also', 'for example', and 'in addition' to help flow.
content
Use real examples or facts about the police, not only general ideas or TV shows. This makes the case stronger.
grammar
Check grammar and fix errors in verb form and word form. Use short, simple sentences when you are not sure.
lexical
Choose easy, exact words. Avoid hard phrases or mixed phrases. Keep to common words.
strength
The writer takes a clear view against the idea.
structure
There is a plan with an intro and a conclusion and use of signpost words.
organization
Paragraphs show a plan and are easy to read.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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