Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behavior

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is argue

Change the verb form

is argued

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whether violence on media has injurious effects on

people

Use synonyms

in the community.

this

Linking Words

essay agrees that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

TV programmes

has

Change the verb form

have

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direct effects on

audience

Add an article

the audience

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because

firstly

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

may copy the actions they see and

secondly

Linking Words

the violent computer games can normalise aggression in daily life. I believe that in general, all human beings copy

each others behaviour

Change to a genitive case

each other's behaviour

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. they have been imitating the comportment of their parents, siblings and

also

Linking Words

other acquaintances since they were born, so how in the eye of many the media cannot influence

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apply

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society. if

people

Use synonyms

get used to behaving outrageous, I’m sure that conflicts and quarrels

increases

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increase

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particularly in families.

it's disturbs

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it disturbs

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the peace in

household

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the household

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afterward

Add a comma

,afterward

show examples

this

Linking Words

attitude will be seen

also

Linking Words

in larger groups of

people

Use synonyms

. Research shows that 60% of

people

Use synonyms

who used to play harsh video games have committed murder. unfortunately

this

Linking Words

is an undeniable fact. these games imperceptibly cause symptoms

such

Linking Words

as physical and psychological damages, isolation, depression and

enhance

Wrong verb form

enhanced

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anger.

Consequently

Linking Words

, it

normalise

Change the verb form

normalises

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assassination in the mind. under these circumstances,

this

Linking Words

man is motivated to commit murder and feels satisfied.

this

Linking Words

man is a dangerous threat to others,

therefore

Linking Words

the harms that

this

Linking Words

person causes are uncountable. In conclusion, I would argue that media has many negative impacts, but by not overdoing following

such

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

things,

also

Linking Words

with the help of a psychologist in serious

cases

Add a comma

,cases

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we can prevent these problems before they get bigger.

Submitted by TUTOO on Wed Nov 24 2021

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

239 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

proliferation
desensitize
empathetic response
aggressive behavior
formative years
impressionable
catharsis
media psychology
mixed results
family environment
genetics
regulatory bodies
rating systems
vulnerable demographics
inappropriate content

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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

Your opinion

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It is not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

The most effective way to solve the current traffic and pollution problems in cities is to encourage people to move from the suburbs or country into the city center. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why is this be the case? Do you think this a positive or negative situation?

Crime rates will fall as advances in technology make it easier to detect and prevent crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?