IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #classes #curriculum #children #time #subjects
It is an extremely common discussion about what needs to be on the school's curriculum.One of these discussions is about whether physical
education
classes
 has to be considered essential or not
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since some believe students should spend more time on other academic
subjects
.
This
 essay will examine both sides of the argument.
Firstly
, there is no doubt about the benefits physical
education
classes
 can bring.It is widely known how those
classes
 can improve children in many ways. Team working, mental health, physical resistance to name a few.Beyond that, it is proved that students who practice some sport have better performance in school.
Furthermore
, new talents can be found during the practice of sports.
On the other hand
, there are people who advocate for the complete exclusion of sports or exercises
subjects
 arguing like there is a waste of time.They believe students would be better off learning something else.
For example
,
subjects
 like financial
education
 or languages.
Although
 the idea may sound good, a balance is necessary.Kids need to go out of the classroom sometimes and play like kids,keeping them learning full time will do more bad than good. I strongly believe that having extra lessons or
subjects
 rather than physical
education
classes
 is a harmful idea.
Also
, there is plenty of research that validates my point. Schools must encourage all kinds of physical activities in every circumstance if they want better results.
Submitted by parzanini on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: