IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing video games. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

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One of the most challenging issues families have encountered in their
children
Use synonyms
 in recent years depends on indoor activities
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram, Facebook, and computer games that cause physical
problems
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
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, several people argued that the scarcity of safe places outside their dwelling has never led their
children
Use synonyms
 to play outdoor activities like football and cycling. In my opinion, both of the statements have factual points that I will explain in my upcoming paragraphs. To start with, nowadays, health and mental
problems
Use synonyms
 like obesity, Osteoarthritis, Alzheimer's have transformed into crucial
problems
Use synonyms
 among the community about the young generation that engaged with the entertainments based on computer and mobile phones which are
also
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 detrimental to their life.
For instance
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, in Japan, in ten past ten years, many
children
Use synonyms
 have tended to stay in the locality to play computer games
instead
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 of hanging out with their friends or doing outdoor activities. So, the government has applied severe restrictions for video game sellers like heavy taxes and social punishments.
As a result
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, because of the increase in video games cost, fewer
children
Use synonyms
 have purchased them.
On the other hand
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, some parents consider the other factors around their
children
Use synonyms
's future and life that have not allowed them to do it. A case in point, in Iran, several people have many times demanded that governments construct an area that leads them to play there without obstacles. So, the
problems
Use synonyms
 like
this
Linking Words
 that have been ignored by the government cause parents to keep their
children
Use synonyms
 in the home
instead
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 of encouraging them to go outside the home. To conclude, there are various factors involved in
this
Linking Words
 case that governments and parents have to perform more seriously than before to overcome
this
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 issue.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical health
  • exercise and movement
  • social interaction
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • hand-eye coordination
  • holistic approach
  • environmental awareness
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • posture
  • balance
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