IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer group pressure. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In our society, people face peer pressure
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 means that children are influenced by their friends, who are of the same
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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. Generally, it has both positive points and negative aspects simultaneously,
while
Linking Words
 I believe that the advantages are more than
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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. The two main positive aspects of being impressed by their friends are learning new
skills
Use synonyms
 and trying to acquire a high level of software
skills
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, young generations have passion about their life;
moreover
Linking Words
, they learn a plethora of
skills
Use synonyms
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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 various languages, and sports
if
Punctuation problem
, if
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 they have a communication with other
students
Use synonyms
regularly
Rephrase
apply
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.
For instance
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, when adult
students
Use synonyms
 are interested in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 football, the younger
students
Use synonyms
 are being influenced by them.
As a result
Linking Words
, they make a suitable curriculum to engage in sports constantly.
On the other hand
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, because of
acceleration
Correct article usage
the acceleration
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 in
using
Wrong verb form
the use
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 of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
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 every person should improve their digital knowledge
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 pupils will be impressed by the
adolescence
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
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 if they are
sophisticate
Replace the word
sophisticated
show examples
 in technology.
For example
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, in 2019, it was reported that the number of
students
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who had a tendency to learn a diversity of software increased in the US.
However
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, there are some disadvantages when it comes to getting impact.
Firstly
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, there is a number of
students
Use synonyms
 with different attitudes.
As a consequence
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, pupils can learn hazardous
skills
Use synonyms
 from them.
For instance
Linking Words
, if one of them smokes, the pupils will appeal to them easily, and it can be harmful to both individuals and the school’s community.
Secondly
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, the demand for new facilities will
be increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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,
thus
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they put
Wrong verb form
putting
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 their parents into trouble. In my opinion, by guiding
students
Use synonyms
, they can learn how to control themselves from their
peer's
Check wording
peers'
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 temptations, and gain a positive result from them to reform their lives in a correct way.
To sum up
Linking Words
, all
students
Use synonyms
 have confronted
this
Linking Words
 issue during their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. If their parents had taken appropriate
schedules
Check wording
measures
show examples
, they would
encourage
Wrong verb form
have encouraged
show examples
 them to learn the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 subject.

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task response
State a clear view in the intro and give a plan sentence so the reader knows your main point from the start.
coherence
Make one idea in each paragraph with a clear link to the next idea; use a simple topic sentence.
examples
Add more exact examples and say how they show your point.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show order and contrast (and, but, however, for example).
grammar
Check grammar, keep lines short and stay in simple words.
task response
You show a view that advantages may be more than dislikes.
coherence
There is a basic shape: start, body, end.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer
  • peers
  • group
  • pressure
  • influence
  • positive
  • negative
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • harm
  • choice
  • decision
  • safe
  • risk
  • study
  • work
  • class
  • club
  • team
  • belong
  • trust
  • help
  • advice
  • say no
  • self
  • confidence
  • future
  • model
  • example
  • rule
  • limit
  • agree
  • talk
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