IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think employers should not care about the way their employees dress, but the quality at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #care #employees #dress #quality #work
Some individuals believe that executives should pay attention to
employees
' performance, not their choice of
clothes
. As far as I'm concerned, while productivity is essential, it is mandatory for
staff
 members to wear appropriate
clothes
 to keep good discipline and to make a good impression when serving
customers
. Undoubtedly, an employee's performance at
work
 has always been the
first
 criteria when it comes to selecting and recruiting a workforce.
In other words
, managers tend to prioritize choosing people having soft skills and experience needed for the position as they are more likely to provide better quality at
work
.
However
, a worker’s choice of
clothes
also
 has a significant influence on the growth of a business.
First
 of all, Wearing appropriate
clothes
 referring to a particular line of
work
 creates good discipline amongst the
staff
. By wearing
uniform
Add an article
a uniform
show examples
 or formal
clothes
,
employees
 are reminded of their own position and responsibility in the company.
For example
,
McDonalds
Change to a genitive case
McDonald's
show examples
 - a
fast food
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
 restaurant chain, always has their
staff
 wearing uniforms when serving
customers
. So far, the restaurant chain has been one of the most popular dining establishments worldwide. McDonald's success is largely attributed to its consistency and employee discipline. Another key reason why
employees
 should wear proper
clothes
 while working is that
customers
 are heavily influenced by the worker's appearance.
Employees
 wearing inappropriate
clothes
 could irritate
customers
 or even intimidate them.
Therefore
, the way that
employees
 dress could affect the productivity of a company,or even threaten
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 existence
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
, many high-end boutiques in Viet Nam have really trendy streetwear
clothes
 that have been selling like
hot cakes
Correct your spelling
hotcakes
show examples
.
However
, because of the
staff
 members’ intimidating appearance, more and more stores are having
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
customers
. In fact, several of them are about to go out of business. In summary,
although
 the quality at
work
 of an employee is necessary, employers should not neglect the way their
staff
 dress as
this
 factor
also
 contributes to the success of a business.
Submitted by nguyenthuytien1609 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: