IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #places #people #ban
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It is argued that smoking became unwelcomed
behaviour
Use synonyms
 publicly where there is consensus think that policy is justifiable.
This
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 essay disagrees with the consensus because of two reasons.
Firstly
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, it is too vague to say the word of public places
secondly
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, banning smoking might increase the numbers of smokers. The main reason why I believe countries should not ban smoking in public areas is that I think that
this
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 statement is too vague.
Furthermore
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, is how could you define public? Is it someone garden or maybe it is someone backyard
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 We have seen many mistakes from policymakers and
this
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 is because of their wording.
Moreover
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, nowadays, smoking has been a right than a bad habit and that you would see it when someone goes to the mall. Most of the malls, buildings, airports , etc; have built an area for smokers. The
second
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 reason why I think that governments should not ban smoking publicly is that banning something might be the reason why
this
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behaviour
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 increased. psychologists have suggested that it is not wise to ban any activity even if it was harmful.
That is
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 to say that it is wise to contain people who are smoking publicly than send all the police's force for everyone to smoke publicly.
For instance
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, everyone knows that cocaine is a heavy drug, but what Canada did is that it build buildings for people who are using cocaine with the intention of containing the
behaviour
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 than attaching it. Shockley is the number of cocaine's abusers has dropped. In conclusion, I completely disagree with that policy of banning any
behaviour
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 in the public place
such
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 as smoking because lawmaker has not defined the word of public and it is wise to contain a bad habit that bans it. Given these points, it is important to consider the behavioural side of any future law which means that policymakers and psychologists have to join a task force together.
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • prevalence
  • respiratory issues
  • environmental pollution
  • litter
  • healthcare costs
  • smoking-induced illnesses
  • encourage smokers to quit
  • public health improvement
  • justified
  • public spaces
  • exposure
  • non-smokers
  • inconvenience
  • younger populations
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