IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

A government’s role is only to provide defence capability and urban infrastructure (roads, water supplies, etc.). All other services (education, health, social security) should be provided by private groups or individuals in the community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#government’s #role #defence #capability #infrastructure #roads #water #supplies #services #education #health #security #groups #individuals #community
Due to advancement in various fields of technology, the life expectancy and
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 quality of an average human has tremendously improved.
However
, after
digitalisation
Correct article usage
the digitalisation
show examples
 and
arrival
Correct article usage
the arrival
show examples
 of different social media platforms, the world has become a smaller place. It feels like the whole world is at your fingertips.
This
 situation
also
 puts extreme pressure on a government because the media are everywhere.
This
 essay discusses
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
dividing certain sections between public and private to provide them at ease. For the overall development in a country or improving its
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 life quality, a ministry has to run all the different kinds of departments at the same time and
hence
 they always fail to meet the expectations of the general population. Certain
services
 should be given to private organizations to run.
Although
 giving away control of some
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
show examples
 to some non-public entities may
Correct your spelling
seem
show examples
see
Correct your spelling
seem
show examples
 risky, but previously many governments have excelled by approaching
this
 method carefully and with maximum
planning
Add a comma
,planning
show examples
 it can yield wonderful achievements. Certain areas like planning for the country's defence, strengthening of national infrastructure and public health sector should be handled by authority. Education, social
services
, public transport can be distributed between experienced private groups. Decreasing
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
show examples
 from a particular task is directly proportional to the increased efficiency in that task. By arranging a group of volunteers or retirees to work for local social security
services
 in the community, we may be able to kill two birds with one stone as they will
also
 feel productive. By privatising
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
 regime has gained a lot after 2013. Private entities ensured every child had access to get registered for a school in their respective area.
This
 helped them to ramp up their literacy rate. Private schools provide
exceptional
Add an article
the exceptional
an exceptional
show examples
 scope of growth. Infrastructural rise and rural area development must be foreseen by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. Providing water and electricity to every citizen should be their primary objective. politics should
also
 strengthen the country's defence system by planning methods and by avoiding over sending. If allotted more than required,
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 budget will lose balance. To maintain equilibrium,
state
Add an article
the state
a state
show examples
 must take care of the aforementioned
services
 along with keeping a close and watchful eye on the designated private
work groups
Correct your spelling
workgroups
show examples
 assigned to prevent corruption before it occurs.
Submitted by victor.recoules on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: